Thursday, November 27, 2008

I was not alone on Thanksgiving day.........

At the end of my street were OVER 10,000 people! The oldest consecutively run foot race in North America. As of this morning, 10,250 people had registered to run in Buffalo's 113th annual Turkey Trot.
And with all those people at the end of my street, I sweatered up the boys and headed down to check out the festivities. It was COLD, but spirits were up! It was
really cool to see all the people. God works in mysterious ways. I got to mingle with the karma of over 10,000 people and then return to my quiet toasty warm home.
Today, I am truly greatful for all that I have in my life today. I am truly blessed with the most beautiful 23 year old daughter that has a fantastic head on her shoulders, (lightyears ahead of her mom at that age, headed toward a great life). Two precious pups that make me laugh and feel loved every day. A great cozy home and neighborhood, good friends, family, and a job I love and can learn in every day.
There is so much more. Thank you Lord.
now to long to bake a 14lb turkey.........

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Revelation 3

As I was driving home from my Saturday afternoon lunch at Panera, I witnessed a car stopping all oncoming traffic, in the middle of the road waiting to get into my lane. I let the little old couple in front of me. A thought suddenly dawned on me as I followed this little old couple down Delaware Road.
My retirement vehicle! Not only do I have to save up in my 403B, but something that not a lot of us think about, I will also have to set aside money for my Crown Victoria or Mercury Marquise!!!!!! How much do those things cost any way???? Oh, if only they still made those big square Lincoln Town cars! You know, the kind that you could only make a 14 point turn in, a modified retirement version of the 3 point turn. I would get a yellow one with the black roof. With these economic times, the failure of GM, Ford and Chrysler, should I buy my Crown Victoria NOW???? And store it until I retire? What kind of cars will be available in the future? What kind of fuel will be available. Oh, sooooo many things to think about and plan for. I got my Social Security statement in the mail last month. It stated that if I want my full retirement amount I have to retire at 70!!! Will I shrink by then? Will I be able to see over the steering wheel? Will it matter? Will I just drive any way? I knew of a little old lady who lived on Troy Del Way and she had this beautiful Gold Caddillac. It was a well known fact that she would just pull out onto Sheridan drive without checking traffic. Yikes!!! Will that be me? I am a stubborn bull head now, who knows what dementia will
add to my personality? Everyone is talking about fuel efficient cars, new fuels, restructuring vehicles for the changing times. I know one thing they are not thinking about. And that is what kind of car are the retired little old people going to drive? Soon the baby boomer retiree’s will outnumber all other generations.
Something to think about Detroit………..

My dream retirement car

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Revelation 2

One of my most significant revelations. One goal I never achieved. In my spiritual journey, I was at the apex of my journey. My life was so good. I was in my dream job, I loved my home, I felt really good. Of course, I got greedy. I thought. If I feel this good now, how about I go to Denver and work for Trizetto???? What an adventure, what a beautiful place to live in. So I did, and those months before I moved and while I was there in Denver, I felt like all the terrible things in my life that I endured were finally OVER! The horrible pain and suffering was over. The sacrifices and the losses I never thought I could endure or forget were fading. The forty or more years of
a life that was just surviving the best that I could was over. I was finally really living a real and fantastic life! And I did it all on my own.
I was so proud of myself. I was starting a new life with new beginnings. Those first few months, working at a fantastic company, learning like a sponge. I was in my glory. I sold and gave away everything I had in NY to drive to Denver with just my little dog Jasper and what important books and things I could pack in my Tracker. So buying all new things with my hefty new salary in my really great
town house was like a dream. Meeting new people, exploring different areas every weekend. New restaurants! New shopping malls.
I have to say it was one of the most wonderful times of my life.
Well, how did I get there in the first place you ask? Hmmmmmm, well, a few years before I moved, I met a man. A man that I thought was my soul mate. I was married before, I was in love before, but this was something sooooooo different. He was beyond my soul mate. I fell so in love. And there were so many signs – for me – that told me he was my destiny. I learned and transformed because of him. I changed from a cold, shy selfish woman into someone that could put someone else first. Because this was a four year transformation we had good and bad. But even at my worst moments, he always came back. With stipulations of course. There were always conditions tied to his time with me. And I believed every word he said. Because he was really good at “Not saying” or not revealing the real truths. I won’t go into all of that. So after the on again off again situation. I realized that he would never make a place for me in his life. And since this was the love of my life, my one and only soul mate. How in the world can I forget him? I would have to move far away. Far away from his visits. Because no matter how much I would plead for him to stay away he wouldn’t. Silly me I took those visits as a sign that he really truly loved me. So when he would still stay in touch with me in Denver, I took that as a sign that
maybe he really is my destiny. But now I am in Denver, making a really good salary. Even if I wanted to move back to New York, there
just isn’t a job for me there. So this was one of the biggest goals I ever achieved. No moving to Denver was not it. It was moving BACK to NY to be with him. That was one of the hardest goals I ever gave myself.An example of this man's selective information sharing was that it wasn't until TWO WEEKS before I moved back that he let it slip that his ex-wife was currently LIVING with him. Actually he didn't let it slip, I had to pull it out of him like a wisdom tooth. My Operation Move back to NY project was already in full boar and at the point of no return. So for a few days I sulked, but then immediately went into my Scarlett O'Hara mode (As evidenced in my July 2, 2006 archive)I will move back to Tara, the land that I LOVE it is there I get my strength! And God as my witness I will Win him BACK!
So I did it. Just to be with him I put that wonderful world that I had finally found behind me. I had to really scrimp and save for the move. I returned to my old job. I knew the first week would be the hardest, but I put a smile on my face and faced all my old co-workers upon my return. I knew I might look like a failure, but I would endure anything to be back with him. When I got back to New York, I moved close to him. In Gasport, when that wasn’t enough, I moved again to Albion to be really close to him. That was even more horrible. I couldn’t sleep at night wondering if anything happened to my car, how would I get to work? I drove an hour to and from work every day. Just to be near him because he was my destiny…………..
My Revelation: He never loved me the way I thought he did. I created the whole 6 year romance in my head. The five minutes he would stop to visit I twisted into romantic overtures in my imagination. I was really blind to so many things that were right in front of me. He was really good at evading the truth to keep my imagination going. He never cared about me. It was the fact that I was available for him. That is the only reason why he came to visit. Because I was the perfect idiot for him to get what he needed and he could still carry on with his sham of a life. It took me a long time to come to this revelation. My Revelation: I loved a man that never existed. I built him up in the many many hours I waited. There was soooo much time in the “in-between” times to conjure up this fantastical romance. It was all in my mind. He is done with me now. I am not needed any more. I am the biggest fool. One goal I never achieved. But one more revelation in this Grand dad of revelations, in the time that I knew him I changed drastically for the better. I always thought I grew and transformed because of him, when actually it was in spite of him.

Revelation 1

The feeling of being valuable, essential to mental health, is a cornerstone of self discipline. This sense of “I am a valuable person” must come from your parents. Such a conviction must be gained in childhood. It is extremely difficult to acquire in adulthood. The result of consistent parental love will give a deep internal sense of your own value. But also a deep sense of SECURITY!!!!
My revelation: I always thought the answers to my prayers would be if I won the lottery. THEN I would finally be happy. And through a series of questions on my never ending quest and spiritual journey, I kept asking myself “why” to get to the deeper meaning of what would my happiness consist of? Well, I want a new house that I own all myself. I can buy a new car that will never break down or be repossessed. It will be comfortable, not noisy and clunky. But I still kept asking why? why? Until I came down to just the basic but powerful……I just want to FEEL secure.
I always thought that my consistency as the mountain goat, always reaching my goals as I slowly but surely headed to the top of that mountain was just part of my personality. The goal getter. I will learn and conquer. I can learn anything I put my mind to. And I did, and still do…….I would set insurmountable goals, and reach them. Like my dream job, or moving to Denver and THEN wanting to move BACK to NY. (see Revelation 2, another fine story). Nothing was impossible for me. But now I see it was just my way of obtaining security for myself. Trying to give myself a sense of sanctuary and safety. The warm fuzzies of life, because no one else would be able to do that for me. My parents certainly did not. They did the complete opposite in fact. My father’s side of the family abandoning me at a very young age because they just didn’t like my mother, (because for some ODD reason she acted a little pissed off when her husband, who brought her to America from a foreign country and then proceeded to beat her causing several miscarriages and blatantly having affairs with other women………..) No, that didn’t help. By the time I was old enough to be married my husbands couldn’t do it. Either I wouldn’t let them or in my quest to make myself the strongest woman in the world – I trampled them in my growth spurt to get to the top of the mountain.
Now? Well, I do feel happy and secure to a point. I am still in my dream job. I feel very blessed for all in my life today.
I have never felt as cozy and comfy as I do now in this house in Buffalo. I think it’s the area. Just a few blocks away is where I grew up pre – 13 yrs. Just a few blocks away is where my world was ripped to pieces when dad moved out and mom raised me and my brother. Maybe I have come full circle- to close the gap. And as always, when I have these revelations on my self, there is always that counter revelation of ……what have I done to my daughter?

More to come………

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

A New Day in History

I am very glad that this Nation can grow and mature enough to elect a Black American to the presidency. I am proud and happy to be a witness to this historic event. I may not be real happy about the Party but I am HOPEFUL. I am not disappointed, I am HOPEFUL.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Living Your Dream

I came across these video's about creating an eco village in Russia, they are short but tug at my heart. I would LOVE to live in this kind of villiage! Watch them all they are very interesting but mainly the last one, Living your any language you feel the love.........

A few excerpts from the beautiful movie about existing Eco-village in Russia.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Good Saturday morning.......

and the coffee is goooooood. Im on the porch, because i could see no sun in the living room. Ahhhhh possibilities
of what to do all day!!!! I have a meditation book i have been trying to read for an hour now but always getting side tracked, just like when i try to meditate! hhahahaha how apropos, the neighborhood is quiet at 9:40, the sun is warm and the leaves are rustling. I want to leave my carved pumpkin for now. Last night Halloween trick or treaters were slow at first but by 7pm a steady stream. I love Halloween and of course, by 7:30 I ran out of candy like I do every year. But the treaters were dwindled considerably by then so I think I only missed about 5.
I feel really great today. Life is good. On the list of possibilities for today, Potato leek soup and home made bread. I just put a bunch of banana's in a brown bag for banana bread tomorrow. Rake leaves, walk the boys in Delaware park - a must - they have been so good all week. Yoga of course, shows are DVR'd, but where to go for lunch? Panera? Pano's? Ahhhhh the choices of an autumn saturday afternoon..........

Oh also, my daughter has started her own blog........she seems to have an agenda and of course mom whole heartedly wants to help so I am forwarding on a link to her blog.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Stop the Chase and become a witness

The more you pursue desires, the more they elude you. Try letting life come to you.

Easier said than done for this capricorn! I always seem to know just the right angles to manipulate my way. I always used to say, I always got my way, whether it was good for me or not! And I would laugh, but knowingly pursuing things that I knew in the long run would not
be good for my life. I have learned the hard way many time. But that was many lifetimes ago.
I have since been living a wonderfully good and simple life. I find it ironic that now in these
times of financial instability people are trying to learn to live simply, the way I have been
for many years now. So in this incidental way they will have the side effect of a whole and fulfilled
soul. Maybe finally people will learn that they are not their possessions and possessions do not
fill that big void in your soul. Last month I was listening to a talk show where callers were talking about the thought of living life without credit cards. When the listeners called in and
rattled off lists of things that they do buy with those credit cards I thought to myself, those are
stupid, mundane, wasteful objects that just add to absolutely NOTHING in your life. I have done without those things for years. As George Karlin would say, stuff is stuff. Sure i have stuff, but I also sleep well and don't wake up in the middle of the night because I don't know how I am going to pay my bills. Look around you and look at your stuff, what do you cherish most? What could you not do without? ......................go ahead, take some time to look.....................
I hope you listed your kids, your family, your friends, you loved pets. I hope you did not even mention that ridiculously large flat screen that hypnotises you into not doing things with your family, your life..........
go on, go outside and take the dog for a long walk in the crisp fall air. Come back bake some bread (kneeding is like a meditation) and read a good book............

Quote is from Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life - Dr Wayne Dyer (An excellent book to get you thru these times)

Monday, October 13, 2008

Pumpkins on the porch

Putting pumpkins on the porch in October is one of the comfort things in my life. I feel that my home is finally a home when I do my pumpkin ritual. See the boys thru the door? hahahahaha....

Happy Halloweeeenie everyone!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

I'M Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

I have some great ideas for some great Podcasts, coming in the VERY near future!
Due to a continuous stream of social activities I have been absent, but I will soon return Are you ready for your Cyndie Buzz??????!!!!!

very sooooooon!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

I would pay good money for a desk chair of my design

I was just sitting here at my desk giving thanks to God for my really great life. I have re-committed myself today to really teach myself and learn more technical applications for my job and for the future. I was listening to a podcast on the way to work this glorious morning and it was about the Law of Attraction and job finding. What is your dream job? Well, I am in my dream job actually. 2 years before I became a Business Analyst, a job posting came up at work. For a Business Analyst for our Diamond System. It was the first time I ever saw those two words together!! It looked SOOO interesting but I did not have enough courage to go for it. But the girl who did get that job? I ended up taking her place when she moved into the Business Analyst position. I watched her for two years and ENVIED her every minute. In a good way of course. And when she left to take a Directors position, I KNEW I had to go for my dream job. And yes I got it. Ever since then I have been in my glory! I love all things technical. I am a GEEK. So MORE of my dream job at this time would be to do this great technical stuff from HOME. I would love to be a technical writer and just create documentation and manuals ALL day. Or do reports all day. I really really REVEL in it!!!! And of course I offset all this technical stuff by being a green, earth loving, tree hugging, organic homeopathic hippy! hahahahaha. Which brings me back to my CHAIR. So here I am, in my office, at my desk at home. I have chosen to give up the DVR-ed soap operas and spend my time with all my Tutorials, Element K, tech writing, SQL and Database courses for the summer. HECK yeah!!!
And honestly, I could sit at my desk for HOURS, but its my boys. They look at me and whine because they can't sit next to me during this. So I would like to design a desk chair that is so huge that I can put a doggie on each side of me. I can't do all this computer stuff on the couch or even the bed with the laptop, I need to be at a desk for this. So can someone out there design this chair for me? hahahahaha Make Jasper and Jeffery happy???
Oh GOOD news. Not just 5 minutes ago I was praising Jasper, he ate his WHOLE plate of DOG FOOD!!! Yes we are on day # 7 of dog food. I refuse to cook for them any more. They wouldnt eat it any way so......I am not giving in. Jasper has been pretty good. Jeffery, well, He just wont eat the can stuff. He will eat the dry dog food. I actually put the canned food in his mouth and he spits it out.
Its only been a week. We shall see who endures........

Monday, June 23, 2008

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Me and My Rindfleisch FamilyMay 31, 2008

Busy Busy Busy

I have been very busy at work, we submit QARR to the State June 1st so that is a 24/7 project before and after that date, we work toward this every year so I gear up for it. And then this time moved right into another project of implementing and building CCA, a new application.

And when I come home I counter with yoga, and nature, my porch and plants. Reading alot, I have cut out alot of DVR-ing to read more. And that is where I am right now, on my porch with my morning coffee........mmmmm good. Also, I am moving back to Buffalo in August so conserving my funds for that as well. Yesterday me and my dogs sat on the porch and watched that big thunderstorm roll in. It was wonderful!!!! Of COURSE this place is becoming sooooo beautiful and peaceful when I know I have to move soon. But the gas prices and the hour drive in and back are too taxing on me now. And I have out grown my need to be a hermit and away from people. My yoga practice has evolved me into the person I always should have been.
I will be closer to family, friends, work and SUSHI!!!! hhahahahaha..... its all good.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

No Podcast this week, due to terrible death in the family

I actually will be attending 2 funerals the next few days. As I deal with all these passings this weekend, I will be counting my blessings,my daughter, my neices and nephews, all of my family, my friends, my coworkers, and all of you. My cousin Bill passed away. Unexpectedly. Someone who had so much influence on my life. I will miss you Billy.....

Love Cyndie

Putting all of you under the white light umbrealla of protection and love

Friday, April 04, 2008

Baby's arm holding an apple..........

The Soundracks of My Life episode

best I could do, i refuse to get gruesome.................

Sunday, March 30, 2008

The Soundracks of My Life -Teaser

The Soundracks of My Life Teaser

Quote for today

God hands you the menu but he doesn't make you order the shit sandwhich.

I find that this is true, unfortunately I have to learn not to let other people order for me........

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Friday, March 28, 2008


Due to technical difficulties, I have to postpone my podcasts. And I have all this great stuff lined up. I don't have the Podcasting software, and I just drank 4 beers trying to find another somewhat reliable software like my old one and I just am NOT that savvy in figuring out all the other really really hard software that is out there. Hey I heard putting down the beers will not help! hhahahahaaa and I am having such a good time right now listening to the stuff I got for you......soon, I promise.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Podcast next Friday, I promise.

I apologize, I am getting over the flu and cold and sound AWFUL. And I just found so much great stuff Friday, we will close the place down.......Cyn

Friday, March 21, 2008

I FINALLY got the blueberry pancakes right...

After several attempts the last few weekends, I finally got it right this time. Goooooood. Evenly cooked.....yum. This is the simplicity of my life. Well, granted yes I would like to manifest the SubZero fridge with the glass door and the Viking stove, but for now, I am content and full of gratitude. I have been soooo sick with the flu AGAIN, but I managed to get in a yoga practice today. I did the twisting to cleanse, I feel fabulous now! I am actually over heated, maybe I am still feverish.
But yes, this is the simplicity of my life. I will try to keep the tv off so I can read the 4 books I have started. I promised the boys a w-a-l-k cuz its sunny out. I have to spell or else they start jumping up and down until we go. I have no large decisions to make for the Easter weekend. No stress. Just the way I like it. I would like it better if I could sit out on my fab porch since it IS spring! I will have to be happy with my two hydrangea plants I bought from Sue at work. They ARE gorgeous.
There will be no podcast this weekend as I am still ill. Oh BB King was great, and of course we took full advantage of that. Sunday I was death warmed over as Gail had no idea that Buffalo bars stay open till 4 am and I proceeded to SHOW her............
This is a Good Friday.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Blurry pic of HDTV Window

Peaceful....calm...Bring it on!!!

OH my Gosh do I feel sooo good right now. I just did my Kundalini yoga, and some meditation. I could not close my eyes as I was on the edge of my bed and just watching the snow falling outside was enough to calm me. After my shower I said to myself, Wow, I really feel GOOD right now. Peace, calm. The day hasn't even started and I already shoveled 5 times ( I kid you not) since I got home from work yesterday. (Each shoveling was 8 in or more!!) As I tell my friends..... I only shovel my walks for Fung shui purposes. If they are not clear then no one will come into my life!

I have just gotten my big old chair situated in front of my large bedroom window, I have some good books to read and I plan to watch the Blizzard from my HDTV window. I wish I could take a pic but my digital bit the dust. I will put up a webcam shot, I apologize for the blurryness.

OK big Blizzard! Bring it on!!!

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Podcast announcement

I am postponing podcasts for a few is very hard for me to drink on a regular weekly basis!!!!! hahahahaha

OR I could change my mind and do it tomorrow, (Saturday......)


Yoga Peeps and Yoga Today

I am LOVING my yoga lately. It has really been helping me so much in every aspect of my life! (I am still working on my road rage)
I especially love the free yoga classes on, they make it soooooo enjoyable and I look forward to it. I also started doing my yoga in the morning before work! It works out wonderfully, I could never work out in the morning because I just didn't have the energy to
do the greulling aerobic and weight training I was putting myself through. I just was not enjoying my work outs or didn't even look forward to it. I kept telling myself, as soon as I am thin and cut and muscular, THEN I will switch to my real love, yoga............ well one day I just said, the heck with that, I am going to do strictly yoga NOW. It is what makes me happy and I am all about what makes Cyndie happy now.
I also have just found a great podcast called Yoga Peeps. I know, people talking about yoga?? How boring, but I have been spellbound with each and every podcast.

I just love how things are going.
Thank You God for everything in my wonderful life.


Saturday, March 01, 2008

If the Budha dated

This was so interesting that I am just publishing what I read on the blog.

However, it is the Heart Chakra that is the most important chakra for soul development because it is the spiritual center in the body that is utilized for the cultivation of LOVE and COMPASSION, and therefore dictates the overall evolution of the individual. This is evidenced by the fact that whenever we feel COMPASSION for another, we feel it in the heart area of the body." OK, and now the review from the If Buddha Dated book. Enjoy!Her definition of a spiritual journey is the path we take to be who we truly are, without pretense or attempts to please lovers, family members, or other authority figures. We come to learn that we can love and be loved best by being who we truly are, showing our vulnerability and our humanity, while still expecting to be treated with consideration, compassion, and kindness. Early in the book, she states, "on the spiritual path, the purpose of any relationship is to wake up and get to know ourselves and our lover, thoroughly, without judgment or pride." And, "Dating with a Buddhist consciousness means a willingness to confront anything inside that kindles fear or anxiety. When we start wanting to run away, be deceptive, tell lies, or put on a mask, we need to walk right into our fears, sit down, and talk to them until they become our friends. That doesn't mean we have a goal of getting rid of fear; rather we accept it as part of our unfolding journey." I couldn't agree more.Her lists of behaviors for us to examine in our partners and ourselves are excellent and straightforward. A close examination of what we want and what we have to offer, our values and our desires, all play into what makes relationships work or not. She says, "True commitment is born of knowledge. We can't say yes to what we don't know."Her list of questions to explore with your partner before becoming sexual (page 126) are excellent. So much worthy of quoting that I suggest you simply BUY this book. A little jewel.


When I do the podcasts, I just have it in my mind of what songs I want to play. I have no
idea what I am going to say or FEEL when I do the podcast. I thought this would be a really great idea, song wize Emotionally,,,,,,,pretty mind blowing. But I enjoyed it. FELT it
in every corner of my heart...............

Special Men Podcast, Frank and Jeffery

The Soundracks of My Life Happy Hour Pt 1

I have no photo's of Frank, so picture in your mind an Italian John F Kennedy Jr, with a unibrow. Handsome nice biceps, good lord Frank worked out when hungover!!!!


The Soundracks of My Life Happy Hour 5 pt 2

The Soundracks of My Life Happy Hour 5 Pt 2

Friday, February 29, 2008

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Clarence, My hometown

When I divorced Ben in 1989, I turned my back on Clarence and never looked back. I wouldn't even drive thru the town. Clarence represented all the darkness of my life, disappointments, failures, heartache and a really crappy child hood. I would exorcise that part of my life forever.
I re-invented myself. I moved on. Didn’t really do such a great job at that either for a while. But slowly and surely like a typical Capricorn I climbed that mountain. But never turned around to look at where I had tread. I would put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. I told myself, I am a survivor and I will get through all of this. And I would. It took some time but I started to learn.
Recently I had been doing my podcasts and I have been revisiting memories that I left behind. Pivotal times in my life. When I was young I would definitely be what they call the Emo kids of today. Soooooooooo sad, and woe is me!!!! I would sit and listen to really sad music and write really sad poems. I thrived on despair!!!!! I mean I did come from a divorced family, and there were things that really were crappy in my life back then. So that may be why I denied my home town. Extracted it from my life like an appendectomy. Not just the town, but people, friends, high school best friends. I would get a private phone so no one could find me. I had new friends and a new life. I didn’t need reminders.
In my spiritual journey that is constantly ongoing and very renewing for me, I got caught up in the Law of Attraction stuff. And I listen to a lot of the online talk shows. I wanted to manifest a new home and a new car. And I would pray, and have gratitude and I would envision me driving this car and living in this house. But nada. So lately I have been asking myself. Why do I want a new home when I really love the home I live in now? Why do I need a brand new car, crossover, Nissan Murano, super black with black leather seats, to be exact, hahahaha. I really want these things because what I really want is safety and security. That’s what I really want. To feel safe and to feel secure inside. It was an a-ha moment. So getting back to the podcasts, and Clarence and my memories. I was talking in one of my older (PMS) podcasts about how I couldn’t cry when listening to those songs. Of course I can’t cry cuz I am not that little emo Cyndie any more. That sad little girl. I don’t feel that way any more! I may have ended a long and drawn out relationship but only because it was not working or replenishing me at all! It wasn’t a sad ending it was a cleansing ending. And when I found that old song by Elton John, Blues for baby and me. I completely blocked that song out of my mind until just a few days ago when I saw it there on the Internet. I used to play that song over and over and over feeling sooooo sorry for myself. When I first downloaded it and listened to
it I even got that funny feeling in my chest. And then I realized, god I was so sad back then, but I am not any more. I am not sad at all! I feel joy! I feel love! I wake up with a smile and many times I laugh before I even get out of bed. I am truly greatful for my life, my home, family and friends. My dogs, my job. I love my life. I wake up in the morning looking forward to what God has in store for me.
And now for my really big A-ha moment. I have finally embraced my childhood, I think of it with love now. I embrace Clarence. I have even made plans with my friend Laurie and we are GOING to the Clarence Labor Day picnic this summer. And I think and feel that my life is just going to get better now that I have made peace with my hometown. I can find that sense of safety and security now that I no longer deny where I came from and grew up. There have been a series of events that have brought Clarence and those memories into my current life. It has been so healing for me. I feel very confident that I can now move forward with one foot right in front of the other, but this time, I can stop and look behind me and smile and feel peace.…

and its all over now
don't you worry no more
gonna go west to the sea,
the greyhound is swayin
and the radio is playin
some blues for baby and me,
and the highway looks like it
never did
Lord it looks so sweet and so free
and I can't forget that trip to the west
singing blues for baby and me..........

Saturday, February 23, 2008

I did EXACTLY what I wanted to accomplish!!!

I woke up this morning and there was confetti all over my bed and bedroom! From creating my podcast last night. Feelin a little woozy and slow this a.m. but I thought I would listen to my podcast to see how it sounded. And at the end of part 2, I was actually dancing around my bedroom! At 9:45 in the morning!!! What a riot!

Happy Hour 4 Pt 2

The Soundracks of My Life Happy Hour 4 Pt 2

Friday, February 22, 2008

The Soundracks of My Life Happy Hour 4 Pt 1

The Soundracks of My Life's Happy Hour 4 Pt 1

I know it's the pissed off podcast. 10 years ago I would Mean it!!!! Today it was more fun to cleanse and just add closure. Join me in my detox of toxic relationships. Hahahahahaha

Thursday, February 21, 2008

New Podcasts coming

Hey I didn't forget ya! New podcasts are on the way, I was chillin, I bought like 4 new books and I have 2 more on the list to read. I am currently downloading music as I type. I also moved all the podcast software and music to my laptop instead of the PC. Yeah, thats the MAIN reason I have't done anything. I'm LAZY.

But to keep you occupied while I get my s$%@ together, go listen to Sophia Ramos
man this woman kicks ASS!!!!! She will breath new life into your boring iPod!!!!
Listen to "Let me tell you something" turn it up...............

Sunday, February 17, 2008

My Manimals

Our Manimals

I sit here in the middle of my three day weekend. We got up early and just lay in bed and watched the sun come up. I got
a cup of coffee and like every weekend morning, the coffee is goooooood. I stare out the window like a big screen TV and watch
the beautiful outdoors. Jasper is leaning on me while he plays with Jeffery who is larger and more like a bear than a dog. He
lops one of his over long front paws on Jasper’s head, like, “Listen short stuff, you are starting to annoy me now.” Just that
little gesture alone makes me laugh. It puts a big warm glow in my heart that warms me on this chilly winter morning. I listen
to my Spiritual talk shows online in the background of all of this. I think to my self. My two boys are the most healing, comforting,
peaceful entities in my life. They bring me constant joy.
I get up from our solitude and go into the cold kitchen to get breakfast started. I am simultaneously making myself pancakes and
boiling gizzards in a frying pan for the boys. I mix the gizzards with brown rice and sprinkle N-Zymes on top. When all is done,
I go back into the room with my pancakes on a tray to sit in front of the big window. I left the door open just 6 inches to keep the
heat in the room, but to let the boys go in and out. Jeffery is at the door with the little pancake I made for him in his mouth. He
can’t get through the door. He makes his whimper noise which half sounds like a question. Hmmm? I coax him to push through the
door. He won’t. I have to get up out of my comfy spot to open the door 2 more inches. As I sit back down I wonder, if anything ever
happened to me, who would spoil these dogs the way I do? Have I created this co-dependency out of my own loneliness? To feel
wanted and needed. Did I create my own version of a family? It certainly is much easier than dealing with a human. With a human we would have to endlessly discuss feelings and disappointments, who will pay the bills this month, why did you buy those SHOES?????
It is so simple in my home now. Jasper comes and curls in a ball next to me while I read. Jeffery puts his big floppy paw on my arm
and looks at me with those melted chocolate brown eyes and I KNOW I am loved. I feel it. I reward them with their favorite treats.
I know what they love. I don’t withhold my love because they said something really stupid that hurt my feelings last night. I don’t sit quiet and pout because they ONCE AGAIN are watching Animal Planet when my favorite show is on. I am not the only one. I have many friends and co-workers that have the same scenario going on in their homes. We are single independent older women that
have thriving lives, terrific careers and our wonderful Manimals waiting at home for us.
We have shared many adventures. Jasper and I used to go tent camping all the time. We have spent a week in the Thousand Islands, a weekend at Saranac Lake and lots of others here and there. Jasper drove across country to Denver with me, where we became extremely homesick and added Jeffery to our family. The three of us trekked back to NY together, we spent every weekend and vacation at our RV on Lake Ontario last year. I was able to do all these things by myself because I had my little Manimals with me.
I think I escaped depression many times just because of them. I certainly escaped getting into really bad relationships because
I was just purely lonesome!!!!
I have carved out a peaceful yet eccentric life for me now. People may think I don’t have a full life because I live alone, but quite the contrary! My life is full and happy and peaceful. I sleep so well at night because my day was not full of guilt or small spats. I do exactly
what makes me happy. I do what inspires me. I go out with friends and we laugh, we don’t sit around complaining about our lives and
how imperfect our Manimals are. We talk about life, our world. We don’t sound like nagging unhappy housewives. We have big
smiles on our faces. My friend Katherine’s face lights up when she laughs, she has no scowl etched into her face the way some of the women I work with that huddle together in the lunchroom to complain of their awful lives with husbands they have no love or respect for any more. Yes, we would love to have a man in our lives, but we are not desperate to disrupt the household we love now.
So when we are out we really enjoy our friendships and company. Then we get into our cars and drive home, and there in the window
will be those little heads, and those little excited eyes! Tails are wagging so hard their butts are moving all over the place. The absolute
pure joy when we get home. The LOVE we feel when we get there. Nothing compares…………nothing at all.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Drunken Disclaimer!!!!

Hahahahaha I must put out the disclaimer that I was having a few beers when I not only recorded these podcasts but published them AND uploaded to the blog. I sound like a complete nut but I sure had some fun doing it......................

Podcasts are not published in order.

Altho the Happy Hour 3 is the most fun, please listen in order.........but that does not guaranteee that I start to sound better. hahahahahha, techinically still a crap head

You may have to join to listen but it is free and as
Don Fretz would say.......I'm worth it.......... yes of course you will have to listen to find out......

The Soundracks of My Life's Previous episodes | PodShow

The Soundracks of My Life Happy Hour 3 pt 1

Gotta listen in order..........

Listen to them all , start at the beginning I apologize for being a technical
amateur, but I guarantee that when you listen, you will be brought back
to a time you forgot, but was very important to you

Just relax.........New rules......have a nice cocktail.........relax and enjoy

The Soundracks of My Life's Previous episodes | PodShow

The Soundracks of My Life Happy Hour 3 pt 2

Hey Droogies

It's not the side effects of the coccaine..................

Its too late to be's too late to be late again........

This ain't rock and roll this is Genocide

The Soundracks of My Life's Previous episodes | PodShow

The Soundracks of My Life Happy Hour 3 pt 3

NEW rules! You must have a few cocktails when listening..........

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

The Soundracks of My Life Happy Hour 2 pt 1

The Soundracks of My Life Happy Hour 2 Pt 1

It SUCKED to be me this day. Oh and the yelling at the dogs in the background doesnt help. I don't apologize for the true amatuer-ishness of it all. Hey at least I didnt burp like the male podcasters do thinking its soooo real. Who wants to hear that shit?

The Soundracks of My Life Happy Hour 2 pt 2

The Soundracks of My Life Happy Hour 2 Pt 2

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Come and listen to my new Podcasts!

Well I finally did it, I created my own podcast. Its called The Soundtracks of My Life. I will be recording them every Friday for Happy Hour. This is all new to me so everything is not quite smooth yet. Trying to figure out how to upload, record, etc.
So this is the best I can do for now, you may even have to create a Podshow account but they are free.
You have to listen, if not for the chuckle factor. You must listen in order cuz I start out with no beer, and then by the fourth one well..............its pretty funny.

The Soundracks of My Life Happy Hour 1 pt 1

The Soundracks of My Life 1 pt 1

The Soundracks of My Life Happy Hour 1 Pt 2

The Soundracks of My Life_1 pt 2

The Soundracks of My Life Happy Hour 1 Pt 3

The Soundracks of My Life 1 pt 3