Sunday, February 17, 2008

Our Manimals

I sit here in the middle of my three day weekend. We got up early and just lay in bed and watched the sun come up. I got
a cup of coffee and like every weekend morning, the coffee is goooooood. I stare out the window like a big screen TV and watch
the beautiful outdoors. Jasper is leaning on me while he plays with Jeffery who is larger and more like a bear than a dog. He
lops one of his over long front paws on Jasper’s head, like, “Listen short stuff, you are starting to annoy me now.” Just that
little gesture alone makes me laugh. It puts a big warm glow in my heart that warms me on this chilly winter morning. I listen
to my Spiritual talk shows online in the background of all of this. I think to my self. My two boys are the most healing, comforting,
peaceful entities in my life. They bring me constant joy.
I get up from our solitude and go into the cold kitchen to get breakfast started. I am simultaneously making myself pancakes and
boiling gizzards in a frying pan for the boys. I mix the gizzards with brown rice and sprinkle N-Zymes on top. When all is done,
I go back into the room with my pancakes on a tray to sit in front of the big window. I left the door open just 6 inches to keep the
heat in the room, but to let the boys go in and out. Jeffery is at the door with the little pancake I made for him in his mouth. He
can’t get through the door. He makes his whimper noise which half sounds like a question. Hmmm? I coax him to push through the
door. He won’t. I have to get up out of my comfy spot to open the door 2 more inches. As I sit back down I wonder, if anything ever
happened to me, who would spoil these dogs the way I do? Have I created this co-dependency out of my own loneliness? To feel
wanted and needed. Did I create my own version of a family? It certainly is much easier than dealing with a human. With a human we would have to endlessly discuss feelings and disappointments, who will pay the bills this month, why did you buy those SHOES?????
It is so simple in my home now. Jasper comes and curls in a ball next to me while I read. Jeffery puts his big floppy paw on my arm
and looks at me with those melted chocolate brown eyes and I KNOW I am loved. I feel it. I reward them with their favorite treats.
I know what they love. I don’t withhold my love because they said something really stupid that hurt my feelings last night. I don’t sit quiet and pout because they ONCE AGAIN are watching Animal Planet when my favorite show is on. I am not the only one. I have many friends and co-workers that have the same scenario going on in their homes. We are single independent older women that
have thriving lives, terrific careers and our wonderful Manimals waiting at home for us.
We have shared many adventures. Jasper and I used to go tent camping all the time. We have spent a week in the Thousand Islands, a weekend at Saranac Lake and lots of others here and there. Jasper drove across country to Denver with me, where we became extremely homesick and added Jeffery to our family. The three of us trekked back to NY together, we spent every weekend and vacation at our RV on Lake Ontario last year. I was able to do all these things by myself because I had my little Manimals with me.
I think I escaped depression many times just because of them. I certainly escaped getting into really bad relationships because
I was just purely lonesome!!!!
I have carved out a peaceful yet eccentric life for me now. People may think I don’t have a full life because I live alone, but quite the contrary! My life is full and happy and peaceful. I sleep so well at night because my day was not full of guilt or small spats. I do exactly
what makes me happy. I do what inspires me. I go out with friends and we laugh, we don’t sit around complaining about our lives and
how imperfect our Manimals are. We talk about life, our world. We don’t sound like nagging unhappy housewives. We have big
smiles on our faces. My friend Katherine’s face lights up when she laughs, she has no scowl etched into her face the way some of the women I work with that huddle together in the lunchroom to complain of their awful lives with husbands they have no love or respect for any more. Yes, we would love to have a man in our lives, but we are not desperate to disrupt the household we love now.
So when we are out we really enjoy our friendships and company. Then we get into our cars and drive home, and there in the window
will be those little heads, and those little excited eyes! Tails are wagging so hard their butts are moving all over the place. The absolute
pure joy when we get home. The LOVE we feel when we get there. Nothing compares…………nothing at all.