Monday, March 29, 2010

LOL update,,,

Ok so I just went to the dating website, just for the fun of it, to see all my old friends. Cuz yes after years of this. They all look so familiar to me, faces from my first divorce! But the thing that struck me really funny today was the amount of pics of men LAYING on the couch!!!!! Does any one find this extremely funny???? Am I looking for a couch potato? Or also a large number of men on thier Harleys. Do you men understand that your pictures say a thousand words? Like, this is my bike bitch and you will never come between us or before it! This is where I spend my money honey...............and all my time.......ok maybe a little bitter .....hahahahahaha, always a hoot to check the dating sites.....

Saturday, March 20, 2010


Fat Bikers

I used to love riding on a Harley, the smell and the sound of that rumbling motor. What freedom it was, the wind in my hair, hanging on to some gorgeous bad boy. Back then, men that rode Harleys were hot. I always said they were reincarnated Pirates. Adventurous men that took your breath away like in the romance novels. Now you don't see very many Sportsters which is all well and good. I do see alot of Road Kings, and all I see are fat men on Harleys. Men with beer guts the size of Thanksgiving turkeys. What happened? Is it only lazy old men that can now afford these iron horses? Have the young bad boys found something else? Riding Guitar Hero's or Playstations instead now? Well then, I am glad I had my youth on the back of a bike instead. The adventures and memories are exhilarating and sound alot more interesting than hanging out in someone's basement drinking redbull and watching guys play air guitar. And the big belly bikers that are out there now? Probly picking up old divorcee's in mom jeans...........

Monday, March 15, 2010

LOL = Losers On Line

Why do I subject myself to this. Every once in a while I will join an online dating service. What I should really do is write a DO NOT DO THIS list for men who are trying to meet women online. So for you men who are wondering why it is not working for you? Here are some tips:

1. Your screen name should be upbeat and not obnoxious, I will never ever reply to men with handles like: ReallylonelyGuy, Hazeleyescrying, STUD696969, Mywifecheatedonmewithmybestfriend, you get the jist..........

2. Photos, MUST have photos, but not ones of you without your shirt on in the bathroom mirror. Maybe if you are on the beach... and LOSE THE SUNGLASSES, if the only pics you have are of you in your sunglasses, get new ones. And for heavens sake - do not use pictures that obviously have a woman cut out of it!

3. Winks are LAME, if you like a woman for God's sake email her!!! Don't wink and expect her to to all the work. GEZ.

4. DO NOT LIE: about your age, photo age, height, weight, hair, marital status, portion control, smoking, job, home etc. do not even stretch the truth, not only will being caught in a lie be a waste of everyone's time. Even if you stretch things, it is the action that dissappoints us most of all.

5. Make sure your Baby-Momma drama is contained.

6. Don't even think of dating if you just broke up/separated/divorced. You are not date material. You need to heal and get over the break up. You are useless to us and none of us want to be your transitional woman. I know you guys are desparate to fill a void as soon as possible, but it will not end well. No woman of substance will want you. If you do go ahead and try to date you WILL get exactly the kind of woman you deserve, one that is just as desparate as you, and those women tend to make you miserable after a while and you will be back on match.com in no time.

7. Do not, I repeat, Do not ever ever ever mention anything about your ex wife, ex girlfriend or all the "woman I dated"'s, us women like to think we are unique and may be polite and smile while you go on for 3 hours about your ex but believe me, in our minds we have already checked you off the list and can't wait to go home. We never ever ever want to hear about other women in your past. No matter how well the divorce, break up worked for YOU. If you ever want a new woman in your life, leave your past women, in the past. We don't care how well you get along with each other now, we don't care about your vacation stories, or fun snowmoble stories, we don't ever ever ever want to hear about any other women that were in your life. Yes I know that sounds harsh, but its a hormone thing.

8, If you really did see Big Foot in the woods, keep it to your self, no matter how exciting you think the story is........

I started writing this post thinking I could make it light and funny and all it is doing is pissing me off. I hate online dating. I think I am going to go back to the old fashioned way of going to bars and getting absolutely hammered doing shots and taking my chances with whose left over at closing time, it seemed to have worked well for me when I was younger, and if I recall, I had a friggin BLAST in those days............

Hey bartender, round of shots here, I'll have a BV..........