Day 26

Good Morning 🌞 are my 2 favorite words in the whole  world right now 💕💕💕

Day 24

Much to say! (Long) 

So I don't know if my minimalism/budget ideas are a "result" of not drinking. Not a direct result or just more of life getting better once you are committed to changing your life for the good. 

Minimalism is not new to me. 4 years ago yes, I had the Marie Kondo book and after reading I did do a deep dive cleaning of my home: of old unmatched dishes and got one good set. I got rid of all the "just in case 12 people stop over for dinner" dishware, glasses etc. Because that surely was not going to happen. I cleaned out my closet. But alas, that was 4 years ago. 

There is much to my madness and that is why the minimizing/budget "thing" came to be a week ago. I need to call it something better. My ultimate GOAL is to retire as soon as I can now that I am 60. In 2 years I can retire and collect SSI. Not smart, as I wont get full $. I doubt I can do it at 62, but maybe 63? I just don't want to work. I just want to sit home and do NOTHING. The sooner I get rid of my truck payment, the sooner I can retire. 

So my thoughts are to put as much money I can toward the truck to pay it off sooner. I have a large top of the line luxury truck yes, cuz 

1. I worked my ass off all my life and mainly drove embarrassing hoopdies. So I deserve it. 2. It's a well made truck and will need it for these winters( if I choose to leave the house) and it will last me at least 20 years. Or more. 

I have been listening to Minimalist podcasts and Budget podcasts. So these 2 things go hand in hand in my plans. The people in the budget podcasts are mainly trying to get out of large debt and large student loans. I don't have any of that. I do have some credit cards and the truck. So I am using the same tools to reduce the $ I owe. I already have learned to live a simple minimized life and enjoy simple things, these habits will help me even more in my retirement. 

Walk with me down my path on how this all melds together. Minimizing the home just makes living in it better. Putting all my stacks of "Books to read" piles away on the shelves just removed my guilt on not being able to sit and read them NOW. I know what books are new, I will pick one at a time to read. I usually am reading 3 at a time which actually defeats soaking in the book. Part of the Minimizing is "Keeping only what I LIke/LOVE.  I have decided to only read books that are RIVITING and  keep my interest. I buy books on a whim and feel like I HAVE to read them, and I force myself to struggle thru something that is just not doing it for me, thus why I have 3 current books to read, thus why I procrastinate. No more. 1 book at a time and only if I LOVE it. I have a Kindle as well and will try to get books from the Library on it. I already am able to read tons of magazines for free from the Library on my iPad. 

Here comes the good part. So I cleaned out the refrigerator. I threw out stuff I bought thinking oh this is interesting. Dressings, that sounded good but were not really. I wont even tell you how many times I throw out salad mix. I buy with good intentions. But I ALWAYS throw it out. I only love salads in restaurants. That is a fact. I cleaned out the freezer. I moved on to my spice cupboard and Pantry. Let me just tell you. I threw out stuff that expired in 2016. I have a thing of poppy seeds I swear since 2003. 

Not only does everything look sparse but pleasing to the eye. I can now see what I have. 

One thing that struck me when listening to the podcasts. One girl was determined to lower her debt and said she didn't care if she ate PBJs for lunch every day for years. Yes, it hit a cord with me. So I sat down and created a menu for 2 weeks, since I get paid bi-weekly. I just started making soups for lunch which curbed my drive thru lunch habit. So I included that. I listed ONLY MEALS I LIKE.  I mean, how many times has healthy Cyndie gone shopping and then fat Cyndie throws that stuff out. Bags of Lentils and Quinoa that expired in 2018 were thrown. Not saying my meals are bad. I am doing Taco Tuesdays. Meatless Mondays are roasted veggies, squash, beets fennel yams and brussels. All my favs.

But all meals I LOVE. That I can sustain to eat for a while. I then created my shopping list. and I will buy nothing else! Because I am committed to save save save. No more buying stuff that looks "interesting" that I will never eat. LIke the Black pasta made out of beans that I threw out. All savings go toward paying off credit cards. Smallest amount to largest. Once all those are down. The money that was toward credit cards goes to extra on the truck. 

So yesterday was my first grocery shop with my new list. Can I just say I spent less than I normally did in ages! And now that I have a set menu my fridge and cupboards are not stuffed with unrecognizable things. This habit is starting to affect other parts of my life. I even minimized my purse! Its small, good quality. I got rid of all the crap on my car keys and only kept the Tops fob. I minimized my Apple music I never use and Apple storage was lowered from 2.99 to .99 a month. I have free storage with Google and Prime. So I cleaned out half my pics. You know those extra pics that take up space.  I will do the rest this weekend. I am also doing my closet this weekend. I have done it before, but for some reason it has "grown" out of control again. I am not throwing out or donating. I am moving what I don't need to storage upstairs so that in my retirement when I am on a fixed income I can go "shop" upstairs. Same as with all my books and dishes. All goes in the basement so I can do garage sales in my retirement years if I should need $.  I am not going to be destitute. I will be comfortable, especially since my habits are now being honed to minimize my spending and learning to be happy with what I have. My home is so comfortable with good quality furniture. I already cut the cord 2 months ago. What a savings there! 

I am keeping a Good and Bad list of my minimizing buget "thingee".  To keep track.

I am so excited about all this and if feels really really good doing this. It gives me more control of my life and my happiness. 

And did you notice I didn't even mention anything about drinking? That was on purpose. I don't even think about it either. 



#budget #minimize #retirement

Day 19

Weekend over! I am doing well! I took myself to see Joker on Saturday. Man I really liked that movie! I know, so many people say it is dark. And this Hallmark channel chick usually stays away from dark, but once in a while something grabs my shadow heart. I do not resonate with the character. I am nothing like Arthur, my family was nothing like his. I just thought the movie was something and loved the ending when Joker got his swagger. 
....and then leaving the movie to come home, I was energized, I wanted to connect with people so bad. I knew friends were at certain bars. But I couldn't bring myself to go. I felt sooooooooo lonely driving home, but I did not drink. Once I got home I was fine. See this is why over the last years I became a hermit. In the safety of my home I do not have to endure the public. I can be home and not feel emotions. Not yearn for company. I just have to remove my major activity of happy hour-ing. 
So I cooked, I read, I forced myself outside because it was a gorgeous weekend. I got to watch the sunrise with coffee from my kitchen table. One of my most favorite things in the world to do. Watched cooking shows. I watched my many birds and squirrels.  But most of all. I did not drink. I wanted to. I am hoping soonday (yes I made up that word), I won't think about drinking, it will be a thing of the past. Like smoking. I haven't smoked in wow almost 20 years. I would like drinking to be like that too.

Day 17

Easy street. Of course not drinking has always been easy for me on week days. So 17 days  has been easy so far. It's the weekends and especially a boring Saturday that challenge me. But I am feeling great right now and do not foresee any problems. I bought myself a movie ticket for 4pm matinee Saturday. I'm gonna bring my own candy but I will treat myself to popcorn. 

So here is what has been happening since I made my decision to quit drinking. I saw this documentary last week and suddenly decided to move toward vegeterian.  I have always been heading that way but now I can make decisions for myself and STICK to them. I am saying "moving toward" instead of making declarations. 1. I love meat so I need to do this slowly. I do know how bad the meat we have available to us now is bad, as well as dairy. I'm getting there. 2. I do have some good meat in the freezer, I don't want to waste. Sad excuse I know.

Also, I have been listening to minimalist podcasts. I've already been practicing for a while but getting more tips. As a result of that I found frugal financial podcasts and Dave Ramsey podcasts and I just finished creating my debt spreadsheet. I'm going to pay down all my credit cards. And once those are paid off the $ I used for the cards I will put extra on my truck. Once my truck is paid off I want to retire. I don't have a lot of debt. I do have a bunch of credit cards but i'm not over extended or in high numbers. Highest balance (not counting Pottery Barn) is 1500$ 

I feel renewed. I am repairing many areas of my personal life. Wait maybe repair isn't the best word. Enhancing. I am enhancing an already good life that I have. I just had a revelation writing this. My life is awesome. It is happy, it's just when I drink on the weekends is when it gets dark and distorted. I can do this. 

Day 13

I got past the full moon. That was pretty big. Saturday the usual urges came up and I just pushed thru them. I had morning plans with a friend, but as soon as I got home that lonely feeling and boredom of what am I gonna do now, set in. I allowed myself to feel the feelings. and not ignore or drown them out. I read a little, I made a nice dinner. I looked out at my nature. Group cousin text that makes me feel good and connected. Sunday was busy too! Yoga!  I went to an animal sanctuary, brought my sick cousin a heated blanket, drove thru a childhood neighborhood thinking I might like to live there again, Core Life early dinner, shopping. I would not have been able to do that hung over in front of the tv. For a relaxing weekend I sure got a lot done. 

I think I have to just feel the feelings when the urges come. Accept them. Lonely? I guess so. But I choose this. I thrive in my solitude. I just have to remember that. I did feel the urges, not enough to want to drink tho. I'm sure those will come often. But I have a things to do list a mile long! I will be ok.

                                                      me at morning coffee....

Day 8

Synchronicities. I have been living in the Spiritual realm for many many years now. Slowly, learning and transforming since the late 90’s. It has improved my life drastically.

When I’m not drunk. 

During the day I am a floating cosmic wonderful being. My life is awesome! It has improved many times over. I achieved EVERY goal I set for myself. Dream job, dream car, dream home a few times. God Spoils me. I practice gratitude every day. Today I noticed something. I do a morning ritual where I thank God for this beautiful day in advance, I know it is beautiful because you are in my life, please be with me and guide me.  Guide me. I have been saying that sentence every morning of my life since late 90’s. Yes. I Do. I used to say it while driving to work. Now I say it at my desk at home before I begin work. 

I have not been following what I asked. I asked God to guide me. I got signs all the time. But I kept drinking. I remember very drunk nights. Very. Screaming at God, screaming…..where are you? My view of my life is very different on my 11th beer. 

When I finally set my intentions, WITH MY HEART this time. 3 people that I love with all my heart that I may never see, are the incentive of my intention. Since I set my intentions to not drink anymore with honest love and conviction, so many synchronicities happened. Because I let God GUIDE ME.  I am actually talking to my brother and his family again, I haven’t since 2012. And the rest of my family! My cousins, we talk almost daily! Cousins I haven’t talked to in years. I am slowly getting the family I miss from childhood back. Those are the big synchronicities. There are also many smaller ones that are improving my life on a daily basis. 

When you ask God to guide you. You need to let him. That is when things you can't even imagine happen. For the better.  Thank you God for being in my life. 

Day 5

I feel great! I went to the Phil Collins concert had a blast. I did not have to be wasted to enjoy it. I intended to enjoy myself and I didn't have to drive. I had a great Saturday lunch and shopping with a long time friend. She is supporting me in my sobriety and offered to be someone to count on if needed. Driving home it was a beautiful sunny autumn day. I got to sit in the sun room and enjoy it, normally I would have been holed up in my bar upstairs. Away from the sun and fresh air, the breeze and the birds. I mowed the lawn. Sunday I was not hung over and laying on the couch all day, I was able to make 2 soups to freeze for my lunches. 

Don't get me wrong. I am aware of this bliss. I won't fool myself. It's only been 5 days so this is the easy part. I know I have a harder road the more days that come. That is when I will need to be strong. I have told 3 close friends so far. They support my decision. And I am very grateful that they are not big drinkers so I can count on doing things with them. I am well aware that this is just the beginning, the easy part. But I AM COMMITTED!

There is no limit to the life you can create Sober!

Day 3

Going smoothly, but the beginning has always gone smoothly. The longest I have gone without alcohol is 15 days. So this is easy. What I would like to get back to is how I was 5 years ago. I hardly drank at all! I remember having a 12 pack of beer in the basement fridge bought for the holidays, that sat there for months! 8 months! I am trying to remember what occupied me so much that I didn't feel the need to drink. That is what I want to get back to. I don't know how this morphed into me wanting to have what I call my "happy hours".  At least I was home and not driving. Around the summer of 2017 I stopped going OUT to bars. I was so fed up going out by myself and standing around like a jerk. Maybe drinking at home alone got really comfy! Maybe that is why I started to do it more often. 

It was never fun. I always feel so good when I have a productive weekend. I want more of that. That is my goal. So day 3 has been good. I am going to a big concert in the city tonite. I have no desire to drink. I will not because I will have other people in my car. 

Day 1

You are a good and wonderful person. You are not your parents history. You are not your parent's terrible choices. You were a bystander when those choices were made. Yes, they affected you greatly - but you are strong enough to move away from that now. Your eyes are on the future horizon ahead of you. Able to not make those choices your parents made. 

Thank you God, I know that was you. Thank you for giving me incentive that I should have seen so many years ago.