Sunday, December 04, 2011

God Spoils Me

God spoils me, and sometimes enables my inner hermit! I have been recently coming into my own soul lately. Slowly but surely. I feel like this winter of hibernation will be my cocooning stage and this spring when I emerge I will be an awesome Butterfly! I need the dark cold winter to figure out why my past was the way it was. Maybe I had to have certain ridiculous relationships in order to crack open my heart and maybe I needed more dramatic more hurtful things to happen to me to show me because I could be so hard headed and just not see what is clearly in front of me. I am very ashamed for some of the things I have said when drinking. Alcohol is the worst thing sometimes, I see that now. But more and more every day I get signs and feelings that I am where I am supposed to be. This town is such a catalyst for me. So I have been in this house since March, 9 months. I never used the upstairs which is 4 bedrooms and another bathroom! Yeah, I know. So yesterday I took a nice walk around the back of my home and the roads behind me. It was nice and sunny and quite refreshingly crisp. When I got back to the house I was going to settle down at the kitchen table where I have recently set up my laptop and do some listening to spiritual podcasts and do some really hard core inner work on myself, but something wasn't right. I wanted Sun! I didn't want to waste the beautiful sunshine outside that noiurishes me! So I walked around  looking for the sunniest room in the house. Then like a lightbulb I looked at the stairs! I ran up them! I looked in all the rooms. The back room I thought, since it faces the only 2 little windows. Then the room with the south side window, I opened the door and a flood of sunshine! It was so sunny I needed shades! God opened that door for me! So I went and got my comfy leather desk chair, hauled it up. I only had a small desk on the porch, that would have to do for now. Oh, wait. There was this big door like thing in the other room.........well I grabbed 2 shelves and that board, it took me 10 minutes to set up my desk. If only I had done this on the FIRST day of my 11 day vacation instead of the last. I still have an almost full bucket of beautiful blue paint from the bathroom. I will soon be painting my new office! I even set up a cool spot under my desk where my boys can look out at the street. Now I have the sun, I can look out onto my wonderful town and watch the weather and the sunshine. I can't wait to watch the rain and the snow fall from this awesome window.
Yes in some ways this also enables me to be a hermit. Through my email, and facebook I can communicate with so many friends and still remain in my cozy spot. For now this will have to do for me. Hey, I do invite anyone to stop and visit me at any time. My fridge is always stocked with good food! I love surprise visits from my friends. All are welcome. But my cyber life will suffice for now.
Thank you God. This is going to be a great place for me to renew and emerge my new authentic self. It is true. Everything you want, you already have.

Not bad for 10 minutes of work. Wait till I paint!

What an awesome spot under the desk for the boys too!