Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Yoga people get it......

People that do yoga get it, so it is very hard to explain to others how yoga changes and transforms your life. I don't even understand it myself, I just witness it. During the Chakra Balancing yoga, we honored our father, for many breaths I had to think about and thank a man I have not thought of in many many years. And I had to thank him for my life. Well, for most of my life I blamed him for the really not so great life I have had. Well, after that, I got a letter from his insurance company, and shortly after that a check. My father died in 1990. So yes, I thought it was odd. But not a coincidence.
Since I have been doing yoga, I have been building bridges in places I thought I had burned beyond repair, mainly with family. During the past few years, doing back bends into my past and forgiving, I get a call from my brother! I move back to the city where I grew up, I participate in family reunions, I connect with nieces and nephews.
So this recent connection with my dad. It is also to help me heal. Heal the past. So I have made peace with most of what I have had to make peace with. Except one last thing of course. I wish so hard with everything in my life that I could go back, back to when Jessica was 9 years old and change everything. I would make her my whole world, and I would work 2 or 3 jobs to put her thru the best schools in Buffalo, college, dancing classes, art classes, or what ever her heart desired.
It would be just the two of us in our world until she was 18 or in college on her own. Not alot of yoga can change that.
In some ways, I am just like my father......not proud of it

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Yoga Sutra 1.I

With humility (an open heart and mind) we embrace the study of yoga.

I embrace what I will learn from my study and doing yoga. I am open to the changes it will and has brought to my life. I have already experienced drastic changes. I TRUST that what ever happens will be for my highest good. I KNOW that some times the learning will not be easy. I HOPE to crack open my heart and the shields I have built over my lifetime. I will accept if after all this, my life remains simple and boring. Earlier I wrote that the paths I have always taken were the least traveled, I always chose the really hard and difficult ways of doing things. Nothing I ever did was easy. I was proud of myself that I was so strong and able to meet every challenge. I always did what was in my heart, but it seems all those decisions and hard ways have led me only to being alone. Completely and utterly alone.
I am tired of hard work now. I just want the easy way out. Maybe live in a secluded property away from people. I think about that all the time. So I will with humility and an open heart and mind embrace the study of yoga to see what it shall bring.

Friday, August 06, 2010

Power to the Peaceful Yoga

Jivamukti, I have found my yoga. Jivamukti. I have been doing the Sharon Gannon and David Life Jivamukti yoga on my vacation and its been cleansing and exhilarating! Yesterday at the end I had visions of my mother on her death bed. No it was not disturbing visions but cleansing and healing visions of her. I cried, cleansing tears. I miss you momma. I miss her so much, and in my ending meditation I breathed all of her strength into me with every breath and promised to continue her life inside of me, to experience every day for her. She has been gone over 20 years now but I miss her every day. I write her letters. Still.
Jivamukti yoga has really kept my attention and I am savoring every single moment, twist, bend and breath. I want more like a heroin addict! And I have also found Kirtan. I listen to it during the day. It brings such peace and serenity into my home.

Lokha Samasta Sukino Bhavantu Om Shanti shanti shanti

May all beings in all worlds be blessed with freedom, health and happiness
Peace in all minds, peace in all bodies, peace in all worlds.