Wednesday, October 31, 2012

My first lesson

Can you see Tycho crater? I started taking photography lessons!  I originally bought my Sony Cybershot camera because someone else on Facebook took a remarkable picture of the moon. I was so inspired!  Well, I knew the camera was a powerful camera, but I did not realize how much until my first lesson last night. I took a private lesson first, so I could get to know what my camera was all about and what it can do! It can do a lot!  Oh I am going to have so much fun with this! Wait till you see! 
I believe this was spirit led. The camera, the lessons. A new way for me to look at life. To see more detail. Even tho I work as a techie. I have always known that I have some issues with seeing the fine detail of things. I gloss over things all the time. I wave away the finer details of life. I need to slow down and get lost in the minutiae of life.
Also, it is something new and challenging and fun to do. A challenge to learn. A great way of getting to know my new surroundings! I love this new adventure. 
So besides my private lesson, I am signed up for the 4 part Digital Photography classes. But the best class of all? Saturday we sleep over at Busch Gardens like we are on a safari on a teaching photography class! How awesome is that? There was mention of a Sunset class. There are also numerous walking classes. I think this will be an ongoing thing for me.  We talked about the things I like to photograph. I mentioned that I like to take outdoor, nature and animal photos. It was immediately suggested that I should join them when they go to Maine when they go for a photo destination trip. I laughed. I told him I just moved to Florida and I am not ready to head back up north just yet!

Candy my pretty???

Ready for Halloween

Monday, October 22, 2012

I complete me

I complete Me.
All the balance I need, I am now finding it in me.
All the Love in the Universe is being channeled by me.
I am my better half and my other half.
I love my company.
I can be absolutely true to myself about what I love and what I want.
I completely forgive myself for being ‘different’.
I completely love Me for all my tiny and big desires.
I fulfill all my needs.
Everything I need has found its way to me Now. I accept it all as gifts from the Divine.
The Divine in me, I worship Thee. –especially in a state of Prayer 
I love and embrace the totality of my Being.
I love and accept completely the totality of my Creations.
I acknowledge the beauty of my Being.
I am Divine. You are Divine. We are Divine. All is Divine.
… additions by Nithya Shanti…….
All I need is within me now.
I am happy to be me.
I am right here.
This is really me.
I am me.
I do it.
I decide.
I am Source.
I Am.

Change me divine beloved into one who knows without doubt my own worthiness. Let me always know i never need convince anyone of my value. 
Change me  into someone who trusts that the right solutions  to every perceived need or problem are already selected.
Change me into someone who can be  guided with ease.
I am carried and guided by divine grace in every moment and change me into one
Who knows my true nature is love itself and so it is.  

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Say hello to my little friend.....

He's back! After the loud squawking noises I turned around to see the red winged hawk flying away. I didn't see my little squirrel friend for almost a week. I thought for sure the hawk had feasted on my little friend.  I was a little sad. And then yesterday there he was! And he brought 4 other friends! There is a lot of terrific wild life in Florida. I miss my humming birds at the feeder, but I have Heron's and Cranes and a Hawk that visit regularly. How awesome is that? 

I went to the Bradenton Riverwalk grand opening this Thursday. Its a beautiful park. They have pet friendly water fountains, and outdoor restaurants on old Main street downtown. That  is where I am heading today, with Jeffery.  I can only take one dog at a time if I want to keep control. Next week I will take Jasper. 

Despite some setbacks when I got here. I miss my good friends back home, but we have discovered how Skype and FaceTime bring each other right into our homes and kitchens for coffee in the morning. Its like you are right there! 

It has been a little lonely, but I still love it here. I am just getting into my groove. Still figuring things out. I just have to be more creative in my adventures. 

Farmers Markets, Festivals, 5K races, concerts and outdoor restaurants. I am still having a blast! 

Friday, October 12, 2012

I ran across the bridge

It sounds like an affirmation or the title to a book. I should write the book. I ran across the John Ringling Bridge on Tuesday.  It seems when ever I need to forget something or run from my demons, I run. OH boy do I run. It felt really good to run across this bridge. I even did the Rocky Balboa fist pumps at the apex in the middle on the way back. And I sweat! It is so friggin hot here in Florida so I certainly sweat. I sweat out toxins in my body that needed to get out. There are so many things in my brain, my body that I need to get out and wash down the drain. I am such an ASININE self sabotaging idiot that really really needs to get the biggest kick in my ass. It has gotten to the point where I just cannot drink any more. Not a drop. Because when I do I put on my ASS hat. I do things I cannot believe I have done when I wake up the next day. It is like there is this tortured black hearted soul that just comes out and says. What is the WORSE thing I can do right now to fuck up my life? OMG that's perfect!!!  But I have stooped to my absolute lowest of the low. I have lashed out at innocent people. Aren't they all tho? The people that I contact on the internet? My weapon of choice. 
90% of my life has been so wonderful and good and spiritually awakened. But the other 10%. And it is the most important 10% that should be at the top. I fucked up royally. I have self imposed myself to my hermit-dom for now. Not to figure out why I do it, but to just stay away from the public and read books on alcoholism, sobriety and more spirituality. Not that it will ever fix the latest things that  I have done. Maybe part of this is because I do everything alone. Being alone all the time is so painful for me. If I just had someone...... I wake up in the middle of the night wondering why I should still exist any more? I have sabotaged everything good in my life. I don't deserve forgiveness at this point. I deserve a pointed finger and a You selfish asshole!!!

So I do exist. Nothing I can do about it right now. So I run. I run across this bridge. Each step stomping on my soul. God dam you Cyndie. God dam you.