30 Day Yoga Challenge

I have decided to begin  a 30 day yoga challenge. I have got to do something to bring

peace to my mind! To my body! I have to get my mind off so many things, the mortgage application

what do I do if I don't get the mortgage? My landlord wants to put up a for sale sign now that I told

him I am buying a different house, not this one!  I just need peace and calm now while I wait.

I put it out to the Universe and God that I will accept what is in store for my future. I have two irons

in the fire. I had to create a back up plan in case I don't get the mortgage. A back up plan that

will ease my broken heart if I don't get the house of my dreams. Its actually very good! So in a month

or two my life will change completely --AGAIN!!!  I will be moving that is for sure. Where, I have left

that decision to the Universe and God, for my highest good.

So how can I challenge myself to 30 days of yoga when I couldn't even do the 14 Day yoga detox?

I don't know. But something tells me I have to try.

The reason I am writing about this challenge is to hold myself accountable for the 30 days. I never

seem to finish anything. I intend to finish this 30 day challenge. For my health, mind and well being.

50 Shades of Grey -----NOT!

Well I almost downloaded this book to my Nook, until I read the reviews. Not good. Laughable even. And after reading the reviews I realized I don't have to read the book, I already lived it.......girl falls in love with man, man wants lots of sex, man wants to keep it a secret, girl loves man so she keeps it a secret, man never had a heart, feelings, values, soul depth or substance or integrity thus the sexual issues...........................

been there.  done that.   


Maybe I will watch the movie when it comes out.
Read the reviews on Amazon  laughable......

If you had 3 wishes...........

....what would you do? Me? I would have to pass...........because the last of all my wishes is about to come true.

Thank you God for my awesome life!

Practicing Ahimsa

I Practice Hindu Ahimsa. Ahimsa, a Hindu concept, is commonly understood to mean non-violence. Ahimsa really means non-injury and pure love.

What a great way to start the day, doing yoga before work. Lately my life has become easier and easier. Every delight of my heart is coming true. But then again, I am a simple woman and my delights are simple. I don't need 40 pairs of black shoes in my closet to fill a void in my soul. Doing yoga, following the Awakening Consciousness, living a simple and good and non harming life, I feel myself moving into a higher potential of myself. I feel my strength coming from within. Suddenly the right and good people are in my radar. I made some really great connections with my new coworkers in Seattle last week. I feel really good about my future. I love my job! I love all my new adventures.

Since I have been awakening to the higher consciousness all the toxic people in my life are falling away and making room for the right friends and lovers. I have never felt so free to be myself and share such exotic yet exhilarating and rejuvenating pleasures. Connection being the key word. Free. No performing here. I can finally trust. Every feeling very genuine.

I thoroughly enjoyed my trip to Seattle. I talked to so many people. I listened. I heard their stories. What a wonderful world we could live in if we let our boundaries down and trust. I had blind faith once before and my resistance was warranted. Why do people get such pleasure out of purposely hurting someone? To mindfully do harm? I am grateful to God that people like that are not in my life. I am grateful to God for putting such wonderful people in my life. I have been asking for guidance on where I should live, where I should buy a house. I could go anywhere! How cool is that? I just have no grounding feeling on where tho. I am not in a hurry. God will show me where I can live up to my highest potential. I trust in that wholeheartedly.

I am not in fear of moving ahead. I am free and brave, courageous and strong in moving into the new frontier of my life, the power of the me, of the God that I Am.

Delta, United...coffee tea or me?

Bellvue Wa (Seattle),and then Eden Prairie MN. Two trips in the month of May already and it's only my third day on my new job! I vow that I will not be like the old Cyndie and stay to myself, hole up in my room and just veg out. I am going to look every stranger in the eye. Talk to them with genuine conversation. Everyone has a story, I'm going to find out what the stories are. But I am going to sincerely listen. I want to see honest smiles and share heartfelt laughter. I want to do more than network, I want to reach out and touch souls. Make a soul family. I guess I didn't do very well with the family I was given. I didn't do very well in the love area either. I loved and trusted wrong. But I am not going to give up. My life isn't over. I have been given a huge opportunity and I will not mess up this time. I have had a long time to review my mistakes and I know I have to make better efforts this time. Ask the right questions and lay down tougher rules before I open up my heart again. But I am pretty confident I will find what I am looking for. Thank you God for this marvelous opportunity.

Not bad for 53

And I have no plans on getting old any time soon. I have too many things going on that keep me very very young. I think I am going to join the Hive, they have really good yoga classes and I want to try the Hot Yoga. I bet it gets sexy in there!!!!  And the boot camp. I have a few 5K races coming up. I have no where in my date book a place to add "aging" hahahahaha. I will be doing some traveling in my new job so I plan to explore everywhere I go. I have this huge empty white board in front of me and I am anxious to start penciling in some adventures. Definitely more hiking and camping in the future. There is a nice little trailer I have my eye on. A little one. I dont want to pull a big huge tin can. Something smaller like 12 feet, but not a pop up. I thank you God for my wonderful life every day. You are bringing to me all the delights of my heart.

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu

I kind of lost it in Warrior II pose today. The studio was like 90 degrees and it is quite understandable. I interpret Warrior II pose to be arms outstretched, half in the past and half in the future, legs stance ready for action, ready for anything. That is me. That will be me all next week. My last week at my old job. While gearing up and accepting packages for my new job to get set up. I will be simultaneously in the past and in the future. But I am ready for anything. I am ready for action. I love my old job and I will miss it. This company is good and if you want to remain "safe" until retirement, It's the perfect place to be. I see nothing wrong with it. For most people with families and kids, college aged kids etc. Its a good place. You are safe, and you can stretch yourself here and there if needed but not necessary. Like today. I did my forward bends, and twists. I used the yoga block a few times. I am not yet limber.
But I don't want to remain safe any more. I am at my best when I challenge myself. So in my new job I will reach even further than I did before, balance on one foot on tiptoe if I can, open my heart in a back bend and allow it to break OPEN. No more easy child's pose for me. I am not dead, or retired or any where near that yet. I am alive, hahahah I just misspelled that, alove, I think I like that new word. ALOVE! Alive for love......yep.
I will breathe in new air. I will challenge myself every day. I got so complacent. No more.......I am so ready for this!!

Virabhadrasana II

Excerpt from Bush Yoga

Now that I know this pose was named after some warrior who grew from the hair of a blue devil, I like to use it to strengthen myself against my enemies: those evildoers who constrict the oxygen supply of precious freedom. Here's how it's done: I want you to step forward with your left foot pointing straight ahead and your back foot turned in about 45 degrees. Inhale, and take your arms out to the side, and on the exhale bend your front knee. Look past your right hand, and repeat the mantra "God Bless America". This will counter the evil effects of the pose.

My ship is about to come in!

Working from the Porch

That is  what my horoscope said a few months ago. I trust this horoscope. It told me the exact day I would move to Denver, and now for April, it told me that if I was looking or interviewing for a new job, I would find out if I got it on April 6.

Well, on April 6 I got my official email telling me I passed the pre-employment background check and drug test.

On April 30 I start my new, awesome job, working from home! On the same day, my mortgage broker emailed me and told me I did indeed qualify for that big gorgeous house down the street that I have been loving from afar! 

I believe it is my overwhelming gratitude for the awesome life I currently have that has propelled me forward in this new phase of my life. I thank God every day for my great and simple life.

Yes, I said simple. That is why, when I knew I could buy that big 4 bedroom gorgeous house down the street, it just didn't sit well with me. Because the house is in Lyndonville it is going for 165,000. Anywhere else it would easily be 300,000 for sure. If it was in E Aurora or Clarence. But even at that deep discount, I have decided I don't need a big house like that. Yes, it would be awesome awesome awesome to work from home from that beautiful spacious place. And even without the big salary increase I have now, I still could have afforded it on my old salary.   Its just too big for me. If I was not alone, it would be a different story. 

My heart really wants to stay right where I am and just remodel here at my own pace. I have to remember I am just a simple girl, with simple tastes.

Oh the job!!! Well!!!! It is as tho I pulled my dream job out of my head! I will be implementing hospital coding software - FROM HOME!!! My forte is implementation of Systems.  I will be rounding out a team nationwide as the Upper East Coast Technical Business Analyst.  2 days tops on site most of the time. So some travel is involved. I will have to shave my legs occasionally, hahahaha. My first training Boot Camp is in May, in Bellevue WA, a bridge away from Seattle where I have always wanted to go. 

I don't have to buy MegaMillion Lottery tickets any more. I have everything I ever wanted already.  A husband would be nice and I am sure that I will find one soon in my travels...................I am not worried one bit that I won't, because I am ready God. Thank you.

I forgot who I was

I forgot who I was for a while and seemed to be stagnating. I was not wallowing in self pity, that is just not me. But I was disconnecting myself. Going through the motions and sometimes just taking the easy very traveled road. I forgot that my strengths and triumphs came in learning new things under pressure, finding out how things tick and then writing a manual on how to use it! On challenging myself to pick the unknown and quickly becoming the expert.
I have not honed my senses in a long time and it's time to get back in the game. I have found someone who is excited about my experience and knowledge. I am not afraid, because I beleive in myself. This world isn't the same any more and it's time that I do thingS on my terms for a change. I have seen the future and it is sweet!!! Thank you God for your faith in me!

Standing on the edge again!

Just like I did when I went to Denver! It took a long time to get back here again. On the edge of something BIG! My life is coming together, everything on my wish/goal list is coming true!!! When I movRd to Denver my life kept moving forward, every day better than the next. The way it should be because I believed in myself and what I am capable of. I got side tracked by a selfish liar. Two days ago a friend told me that men are pigs and they will do and say whatever they can to just get a peice of ass. This selfish liar manipulated me into leaving Denver and my too good to be true life so I could just sit around and be available when he needed to get laid. I have finally gotten back to my too good to be true life. It's taken 6 years. 6 wasted years I can't get back, but at least what I am looking at in front of me is better than I ever dreamed. Got is giving me all the delights of my heart and I am truly grateful. Thank you God. Thank you for my wonderful wonderful life!!!

There is no place like home

Home. Where I feel safe. Secure. Surrounded by my things. My dogs. My very few good friends. I am selfish now about my friends and the company I keep. Only the genuine ones now. I cannot waste my precious time on people that do not take me seriously. I am a person with a heart, and feelings. I am not a novelty.

Spring is here and it is now time for training. Serious training for running, P90X and Insanity training. Healthy food. Healthy thoughts. I am also going to get serious on more training for my job too. Get my BA certification. Go on to more levels of SQL, ACCESS etc.

More to come........

I'm getting that feeling again!

Its been a really long time. But the last time I felt this way was when I was on the edge of something really BIG. It was when I received that awesome job offer from Trizetto and moved to Denver! I felt like nothing in the world could stop me, I could do what ever I put my mind to. The bigger the better.  I have heard from my mortgage broker today and I heard from two former colleagues who are heavy hitters in my field. One said, Cyndie I remember you, you were WONDERFUL. He was talking about my work and the work we did together. And yesterday another friend thinks he found me my next husband. Its a full moon tonight. It must be MY full moon. 

But all that aside. Besides walking on a cloud. My mind is not here. It is on Coquina on the Beach Hotel on Lido Beach, Sarasota Florida!! I will be basking and scorching in the sun for two weeks. I am going to be cocoa brown tan! I am going to run every day. I am going to walk the beach every day, and I have to also walk the dogs to St Armonds Circle every day.(they are not allowed on the beach) We will be 15 minutes away from St Armods!. I can't wait to see Jessica. She started a new job and I am excited for her new endeavor. 

I thank God for all that he has given me. I am so blessed with a great home, dogs, friends, town, job.
My cup runneth over!!!

And what ever is in my future. I feel really good about. Really good. My horoscope said. Cyndie, your ship is about to come in.   I believe it. And its all because of ME, my belief in myself, and my hard work. I would love someone to share this awesome life with ....soon!!!!

2 weeks baby!!!

Roll up the Rim Revelation!

It's that time of the year again. Tim Horton's rrrrrrroll up the rim to win. I usually make my own coffee for the morning commute. But at "Roll up the Rim" time, I usually stop 3 or 4 times a week to try to win! Well, I got a sudden revelation
this time. I had no urge to win -  ANYTHING! I already have my dream car, I have my 60" TV. I am so perfectly satisfied
with my life that I feel no need to win something for free. It is kind of like when I moved to Denver, I had it made! Great
new high paying job, brand new Townhouse. So new the streets weren't even on Mapquest yet. I was so happy I stopped
buying lottery tickets when I was there. I didn't feel like I needed any lucky interventions for my life.
Yes, Lord. I am truly grateful for my wonderful life. I am blessed! I will still buy my Tim Horton's cuz I love the coffee and
hey, you never know. I could roll up the rim and it will say.........You have just won a fabulous HUSBAND.

Now THAT, I would love!!!!

Spiritual Sensual Part II

Some things I forgot I wanted to say yesterday, cuz well, I'm getting old! And thats it! -Aging. I am envious of my friends in long lifetime relationships filled with history and memories and tradition. I am 53, am I too old for something like that now?

If I start a relationship now and live till 89 like my Gram, I could at least have a 30+ year relationship.

I don't want to die single. I want to be an old married lady. So, that said, I have been trying to meet "older" men closer to my age, past my age. But when I look at them all I can think in my mind is- God, they really look OLD.

The man I thought I loved for the last 8 years, I watched him age. I saw the grey hairs come in on the sides, his body changed some. But I didn't care, because he grew older while I loved him so it didn't matter to me.  I don't think I can accept a complete old looking stranger that way. This is why I got rejected by eHarmony, twice! The reason I was given was that I placed too much emphasis on physical attraction. I am not shallow. But I DONT look my age. And I do know how my heart works. I have TRIED dating the "really nice guys", the guys that were not 6ft tall, the guys that were not handsome, the guys that were a little pudgy.  My heart just wouldn't open up or stick.

BUT, there is one thing I did notce. Maybe someone from my past would be acceptable to my heart. I just recently went to see an old friend play in his band. We had been in contact on that very popular social media website. He had aged, But when I look at him I don't see what he looks like now. I see the spirit, the wit, the challenge and the handsome man he was, still. He still has that mischeivious twinkle in his eye. And he is in a really great relationship. So he is not an option for me. 

So maybe for my heart I need someone from my past, an old highschool heart throb, that is available. Maybe that is my only option for me now, There are a couple names that come to mind...........

Spiritual Sensual

I have been writing about being spiritual and good. Being whole and of substance. I think I missed a whole side of myself in these writings. My sensual self. I have a very sensual side. Well, I do, and then I don't. I have always liked sex. I had never

really really loved it, until.......9 years ago. I was married several times before I met him. But it was him that made me truly love intimacy. The sex was good because I gave him my whole heart more than any one else I had ever loved before.

He came into my life and broke down all my walls, brick by brick. So I do have a sensual playful side to me. But I have only

experienced it with him. The man I named my dog after. I have to respect his privacy. He hates the Internet. So I have no problem being a Spiritual AND Sensual woman. Actually it is quite easy since I don't really have sex any more! Haha.

As I sit here I realize I don't even think about sex. Since he is not in my life any more I just cannot see being that close to anyone else. I would like to. I have tried to meet other men.  It is very hard to find an AVAILABLE man. I am certainly not going to share the deepest part of my soul with someone that is still married! Or living with someone, or in the "process" of a divorce. If  someone is not truly truly truly available to me, I cannot open up. I don't want to. I want someone that will fulfill me, honor me, love me and stroke my cheek. Is he even out there any more? I want to cook romantic dinners and dine by candlelight while I have  some frilly lacy thing from Victoria's Secret on. I want to make love in the rain. I want to kiss like there is no tomorrow, like you haven't seen me in 10 months and all you thought about was the softness of my lips on you. I want to send sexy text messages and emails of what I am going to do with you when you get home from work. I want to take steamy hot pictures and send them to your phone while you are in an important meeting. I want you to bring me flowers and hold me in the middle of the night. I want you to feed me oysters in the restaurant. I want you to look at me from across a crowded room and I see you want me in your eyes.

Don't get me wrong, there is quite a looooooooong list of men that  I know that would do ALL of those things for me. I just cannot reciprocate the same feelings. I have not felt this way with any other man, I WANT to. This man is no longer in my life, I know pretty much that we will never look into each others eyes ever again in the rest of my life time. So I want to meet someone to bring me alive again. To dust of my sensual self and make me love again. I haven't met any one that even comes near that around here. Maybe when I go to Sarasota I can ask all my guides and spirits and God to open my eyes and allow me to find someone that will be so good for my soul. My soul yearns for it now.

I was reading about Cobra pose in my Yoga Journal today. Normally I freak out when I see snakes. I don’t like them only because they are rather creepy. But as I was reading about the pose and the explanation of how the Cobra snake moves fluidly but can lift it’s upper body effortlessly while gliding so majestically forward, I actually could feel myself as the Cobra glide across the ground. Weightless. I pictured in my mind a beautiful golden Cobra and for the first time I was in awe of this creature. I was no longer opposed to it. Instantly I wanted to get into Bhujangasana Cobra pose, but it was lunch time and I was in the work cafeteria. I couldn’t wait to get home because besides the animal, the pose is also not one of my favorites. It hurts my back. But in all things I do not like,I try to become an expert at it, to understand it, dissect it, whatever I can, to overcome it. So I will do it, and I will try to do it right. The article states that you should offset the pose after with Child’s Pose or a Downward Dog.  During the pose you should activate your core for better control. Cobra is the start of small backbends. It improves spinal flexibility and strengthens the muscles in the arms and back, opens up your heart chakra and is an excellent stimulator of the endocrine system.

Excerpt from Yoga Journal Online

The cobra moves with its belly on the ground but must reach up to see clearly, much as we are often kept busy with worldly pursuits and have to make an effort to reach for higher goals. It takes faith and courage to rise above the material world and peer into the unknown spiritual world. Once the upper body is poised above the ground in Cobra Pose, we must accept whatever it is we see from this new vista. The lower back is consciously relaxed while the eyes remain focused on heaven.

The cobra’s ferocious nature cannot be ignored. It comes up sud­denly and with deadly force, much like the workings of nature or the trappings of the world. The cobra’s gift is in its ability to shed its skin. It is this shedding of skin that allows the cobra to continually transform and renew itself.

The very nature of life involves frequent shift and change. How do you feel about change and transformation? How do you feel about death? Many people are afraid to die, yet this fear prevents us from fully living. The archetype of the cobra inspires us to see the possibilities in­herent in every situation, accept whatever challenges we may be facing, and embrace all stages of life.

I don’t believe in coincidences. So falling upon this article from an old issue of Yoga Journal was what I needed for this time in my life. I am going through a transformation to be the best person I can be. I have been focusing on a good and spiritual life and material things are not important to me. I am learning to sit and just be. I am looking forward to my two weeks in Florida. I am grounding myself to be able to accept any adventure that comes my way in Sarasota/Lido Beach. I will open myself up to any possibilities that should come into my path, and accept what I see from this new vista. I will listen to any messages of what I should do with the rest of my future. Who knows who knows indeed? 

Empower and Honor you

I wake up every morning and I say my Intention is to love myself and create myself as the highest force of God-love on this earth. Does being in a relationship with someone that lies to you (or anyone) so easily a match for that God-Love life? No. And you cannot bring someone like that into your life. Because if you bring someone into your life that is not worthy of you they are holding the energy of your time and life and you will not meet someone who will EMPOWER you. Stay with a liar or be in a better relationship that honors you. Pretty simple choice to me.

ACIM

All shallow roots must be uprooted because they are not deep enough to sustain you. The illusion that shallow roots can be deepened, and thus made to hold, is one of the distotions on which the reverse of the Golden rule rests.

I am not worried about my life. I am just being and knowing and accepting what God has in store for me.some times I get tested because I am still trying to work on my inner soul. The minute I doubt myself I get caught in someone else's lies because I believe all people are good.

My roots are deep so I am not afraid of these challenges to my soul, my terrible childhood loneliness creeps in sometimes and catches me off guard, but the woman of substance I have become sweeps that little Cindy behind her and like a mother bear protects her from those that would have tried to exploit her innocent trust.

Return to Love

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson


Will I survive this she asks? Laughter, yes, you will survive this but your ego won't. That is what I am hoping for. It was my ego, my fear that has brought me exactly where I am today, but every one and every thing is in your life for a reason, for a lesson. Until you can let go of your ego fear and let Spirit or God or what you want to call it into your life, you will always be bewildered. These last few months have been one revelation after another. I had no idea how great life could be once I got out of my own way. forgiveness, let go, just be. It is so simple. It is your fear that puts you in not so great relationships.

You want to get back on track? Start with these 3 books, Return to Love, Spirit Junkie, and you must practice A Course in Miracles every day for the rest of your life.

God, life is grand! Thank you.

2/13/12 Got side tracked by someone who could not take responsibility for their own happiness and felt that their meaningless life could be made better by making me wrong. I am too good for that. I am too awesome to be tucked away. How dare you assume I compromise myself for your selfishness.  You make your bed....lie in it. You are not worthy to be in mine.

God Spoils Me

God spoils me, and sometimes enables my inner hermit! I have been recently coming into my own soul lately. Slowly but surely. I feel like this winter of hibernation will be my cocooning stage and this spring when I emerge I will be an awesome Butterfly! I need the dark cold winter to figure out why my past was the way it was. Maybe I had to have certain ridiculous relationships in order to crack open my heart and maybe I needed more dramatic more hurtful things to happen to me to show me because I could be so hard headed and just not see what is clearly in front of me. I am very ashamed for some of the things I have said when drinking. Alcohol is the worst thing sometimes, I see that now. But more and more every day I get signs and feelings that I am where I am supposed to be. This town is such a catalyst for me. So I have been in this house since March, 9 months. I never used the upstairs which is 4 bedrooms and another bathroom! Yeah, I know. So yesterday I took a nice walk around the back of my home and the roads behind me. It was nice and sunny and quite refreshingly crisp. When I got back to the house I was going to settle down at the kitchen table where I have recently set up my laptop and do some listening to spiritual podcasts and do some really hard core inner work on myself, but something wasn't right. I wanted Sun! I didn't want to waste the beautiful sunshine outside that noiurishes me! So I walked around  looking for the sunniest room in the house. Then like a lightbulb I looked at the stairs! I ran up them! I looked in all the rooms. The back room I thought, since it faces the orchards.....no only 2 little windows. Then the room with the south side window, I opened the door and a flood of sunshine! It was so sunny I needed shades! God opened that door for me! So I went and got my comfy leather desk chair, hauled it up. I only had a small desk on the porch, that would have to do for now. Oh, wait. There was this big door like thing in the other room.........well I grabbed 2 shelves and that board, it took me 10 minutes to set up my desk. If only I had done this on the FIRST day of my 11 day vacation instead of the last. I still have an almost full bucket of beautiful blue paint from the bathroom. I will soon be painting my new office! I even set up a cool spot under my desk where my boys can look out at the street. Now I have the sun, I can look out onto my wonderful town and watch the weather and the sunshine. I can't wait to watch the rain and the snow fall from this awesome window.

Yes in some ways this also enables me to be a hermit. Through my email, and facebook I can communicate with so many friends and still remain in my cozy spot. For now this will have to do for me. Hey, I do invite anyone to stop and visit me at any time. My fridge is always stocked with good food! I love surprise visits from my friends. All are welcome. But my cyber life will suffice for now.

Thank you God. This is going to be a great place for me to renew and emerge my new authentic self. It is true. Everything you want, you already have.

Not bad for 10 minutes of work. Wait till I paint!

What an awesome spot under the desk for the boys too!