Monday, February 20, 2012

Spiritual Sensual Part II

Some things I forgot I wanted to say yesterday, cuz well, I'm getting old! And thats it! -Aging. I am envious of my friends in long lifetime relationships filled with history and memories and tradition. I am 53, am I too old for something like that now?
If I start a relationship now and live till 89 like my Gram, I could at least have a 30+ year relationship.
I don't want to die single. I want to be an old married lady. So, that said, I have been trying to meet "older" men closer to my age, past my age. But when I look at them all I can think in my mind is- God, they really look OLD.

The man I thought I loved for the last 8 years, I watched him age. I saw the grey hairs come in on the sides, his body changed some. But I didn't care, because he grew older while I loved him so it didn't matter to me.  I don't think I can accept a complete old looking stranger that way. This is why I got rejected by eHarmony, twice! The reason I was given was that I placed too much emphasis on physical attraction. I am not shallow. But I DONT look my age. And I do know how my heart works. I have TRIED dating the "really nice guys", the guys that were not 6ft tall, the guys that were not handsome, the guys that were a little pudgy.  My heart just wouldn't open up or stick.

BUT, there is one thing I did notce. Maybe someone from my past would be acceptable to my heart. I just recently went to see an old friend play in his band. We had been in contact on that very popular social media website. He had aged, But when I look at him I don't see what he looks like now. I see the spirit, the wit, the challenge and the handsome man he was, still. He still has that mischeivious twinkle in his eye. And he is in a really great relationship. So he is not an option for me. 

So maybe for my heart I need someone from my past, an old highschool heart throb, that is available. Maybe that is my only option for me now, There are a couple names that come to mind...........