This is my time of transformation! I look ahead with such anticipation! I am learning thru alot of inner work on myself that I keep returning to the past and it is so logical, If it didnt work before why would it work now? I am open to receive all new experiences and people! I have met so many new people lately, my journey of transformation has been incredible. I have a very few good friends that I still keep dear to me. As for family, I still feel like a stranger to them all. I have reached out but no one really reaches back. The family part I have decided to just let go. It was my fault for becoming a hermit in the first place and I understand that when I reached out, mainly the 3 years I was in Buffalo, I did not get anything in return. No one in my family really wants to bother with me. Point taken. I will stop. Those 3 years I did finally get Jeffery out of my system. I was doing so well, and then he comes over and tells me to listen to the words spanish love songs and sucked me right back in. So now begins the detoxing of Jeffery from my brain again. To finally get him out of my life and system because his world is so opposite of what I really am. He doesn't even recycle and he shoots at cats! That is so not me.
I am doing yoga, reading excellent books and doing alot of inner healing work with some great spiritual teachers like Robert Ohotto, and Hillary Harris, Dee Wallace etc...I am moving forward and making great strides. Then I drink and take 40 steps backward!!! In order to move on into the ascension process I have to leave the old world behind. Anything old will hold me back and keep me from evolving into my new life. The old ways never worked for me. I am looking forward to a new relationship with someone completely NEW, the anticipation and excitement of an unknown soul. The heart pounding butterflies, the getting to know each other. This time I am going to do it all right. I will NOT drink that is for sure. I will make sure first and foremost that he RESPECTS me first, takes me out in PUBLIC. No sex in the beginning of the relationship. So many men from my past that I used to yearn for have been contacting me. But that is NOT the answer. There is a reason that they are in my past. I am putting all my old stuff out to the curb for Goodwill, and making room for a new man! I want someone completely NEW. Someone I will love more than I have ever loved before. I am confident he is around the corner of my life.........I feel it. I am ready.