I am listening to a call in talk radio show, a woman is upset her brother is taking all of her father's inheritance. She said she was counting on that for her retirement. Sorry about that lady. It got me to thinking. What is it like to be taken care of? To have parents that saved for your college? That built up a wonderful life and a nice big inheritance? I don't know. That is for tight knit families that all grew up loving each other and took care of each other. Families that taught their children how to pay bills and set money aside for "later". I don't know what it is like to have someone take care of me. Some women may even have husbands that make them feel secure. I don't even have someone that buys me birthday or Christmas presents. Man, thats pretty sad. Everything I do I have to do it myself. Even now that I have bought my own home. There are some things around here I would like to do but I can't because as a woman I never learned how to do them. I need a man for some things. I hire lawn and snow removal. And here and there, like my new sink.
Is it me? Is my need to be so independent the reason why I don't have a man in my life?
I wish I could meet someone that would be so excited to give me a Christmas present. I wish I knew that anticipation. Instead I dread the holidays. Because they represent and remind me of everything I don't have. I know I want to blame my shitty childhood, Is it my fault that I am here?