Is Wegmans organic really organic???

I am so proud of myself. I spent a LOT of time in the organic section of Wegmans today. I got 0rganic Quinoa (Keen-wah), organic flax seeds, organic raisins, steel cut oats, 7 grain bread....yadda yadda yadda. I am going to try the Quinoa Stuffed Peppers recipe. I had been dying to try Quinoa for ages now. I somehow think it is like cous cous which I love and I also saw in the organic bins and will add to my collection soon.... I will let you know the verdict on how the Quinoa tastes and cooks.
So any way, I love all the organic stuff at Wegmans, it is like they have an organic version of almost everything now. Which got me to wondering, just because Wegman's label says organic, is it really? Or are they becoming another conglomerate like Monsanto? Well, I googled Wegmans organic and got a ton of information. I always knew this was a great store but I never realized how great. I did not know that Wegmans has had its own organic research farm since 2007! The nagging is gone, I am impressed. There was a slew of articles to back up the phenomenally good products this store carries, from grass fed beef down to my favorite find So Delicious Coconut Milk!!! So yummy. I always feel good when I shop there but now I feel even better, and no longer have any nagging doubts. I used to miss Whole Foods but now I think Wegmans is just as good and quite equal now. Slowly but surely, I am eating better and healthier. Trying hard to eliminate high fructose corn syrup and GMO's. Sure I relapse here and there, and it is hard to know how far reaching Monsanto's tentacles are out there in so many products. I just listened to an interview about a woman who tried to go a Month without Monsanto. I did not realize Monsanto controls All cotton, All soy, its even in most Vitamin E!!! Don't know what I am talking about? Watch Food Inc.
But any way....its getting late, I will think about all that tomorrow.........tomorrow is Friday and we are taste testing something else I found at Wegman's today......Jacks Pumpkin Spice Ale, I didn't check if it is organic, (yes the yeast if used in brewing can be traced back to Monsanto.....ugh) and I will not check until each bottle is empty.....

Romeo and Juliet's - Not so much!!!!

I was craving a sweet, I said to myself, how about going to a coffee house on a nice afternoon, people watch and have a nice big something with frosting. My immediate thought was The Spot Coffee on Elmwood. But since my self imposed exile from any place past Hertel that resembles any area near the Elmwood neighborhood and all businesses, I said, try another place. A few weeks ago after garage sale-ing and visiting the farmers market, I realized that every time I venture any where in the Elmwood area district I always have a terrible experience. The people are sooooooo pretentious and full of themselves, even more so than Amherst people, who are also equally self involved and clueless. Why on earth would any one in Amherst want to drive a Hummer?????? Certainly not the terrain. Isn't Amherst mainly flat and 80% parking lots? Useless people driving useless cars but I digress.
I stopped at Romeo and Juliet's on Hertel. I asked if they have Casata Cake. They say yes, I get a slice and a cup of coffee.
The very blase' kid behind the counter grabbed the Casata Cake slice with his bare hands, put it on a paper plate and handed it over with a tiny cup of coffee. The cake still had wax paper on it, so I figured it was ok since the blase' kid didn't really touch it. The Casata cake was made with yellow cake and not the traditional Angel Food cake. I myself made a Casata cake for my husband Frank using Tina Reccioni's recipe. It was fab! This cake was not fab. It seemed very commercial. So I guess I have learned my lesson. Romeo and Juliet's looks like a nice place but nothing in it is home made. So maybe next week I will try another coffee place in the area. Or maybe I should just make something at home!
Good idea Cyn.
Well after reading this blog it sounds like I might be a tad negative and I am craving sweets.............better check the calendar...........hahahahaha

Loving my new 4 in 1 Grill!!!!

Im LOVING my new 4 in 1 Griddle! This morning we made organic buttermilk pancakes! mmmmm unfortunately I bought the Log Cabin maple syrup, with corn syrup, even tho the label said No High Fructose Corn syrup, it really is basically the same, BAD FOR U. I love this griddle because I can take out the plates to clean. It opens up flat for lots of grilling. Which I will do for our late lunch of grilled veggies, (marinate peppers, red onion, zucinni and eggplant) on chiabatta bread with goat cheese. Throw in some spinach layers too. This grill can be used for paninni also! Try crusty bread with a nice italian type meat like prociutto and cappicola and a layer of mozzerela and rasberry jam, YES I am serious, its fab. Or Brie instead of the mozzerela, brie goes great with sweet.

Oh and speaking of sweet, since we are trying to rid our selves of high fructose corn syrup and I love love love the sweat tea at McD's, I have been making my own sweet tea and its GREAT! Brew a full pot of tea in your coffee maker, I use 4 salada tea bags for 1 pot. Cool that down. In a sauce pan, 1 cup of sugar, (use the organic raw sugar) to 1 cup of water, this is really simple syrup, low heat for about 5 minutes just to disolve the sugar, I usually throw in a couple nice big sprigs of mint from my garden in at this time too. Once sugar is dissolved, I cover and let sit for 20 minutes to let mint or lemon slices infuse. I strain the simple syrup into my iced tea container. This stuff is addicting. It may have sugar in it but at least you know where all the ingredients have come from. I am trying my best to eat REAL food, nothing processed.
Better for you in so many ways.
Any way, this grill is exactly like th cuisinart Grill I have been eyeing but this General Electric is less the pricey price tag!!!

Yoga people get it......

People that do yoga get it, so it is very hard to explain to others how yoga changes and transforms your life. I don't even understand it myself, I just witness it. During the Chakra Balancing yoga, we honored our father, for many breaths I had to think about and thank a man I have not thought of in many many years. And I had to thank him for my life. Well, for most of my life I blamed him for the really not so great life I have had. Well, after that, I got a letter from his insurance company, and shortly after that a check. My father died in 1990. So yes, I thought it was odd. But not a coincidence.
Since I have been doing yoga, I have been building bridges in places I thought I had burned beyond repair, mainly with family. During the past few years, doing back bends into my past and forgiving, I get a call from my brother! I move back to the city where I grew up, I participate in family reunions, I connect with nieces and nephews.
So this recent connection with my dad. It is also to help me heal. Heal the past. So I have made peace with most of what I have had to make peace with. Except one last thing of course. I wish so hard with everything in my life that I could go back, back to when Jessica was 9 years old and change everything. I would make her my whole world, and I would work 2 or 3 jobs to put her thru the best schools in Buffalo, college, dancing classes, art classes, or what ever her heart desired.
It would be just the two of us in our world until she was 18 or in college on her own. Not alot of yoga can change that.
In some ways, I am just like my father......not proud of it

Yoga Sutra 1.I

With humility (an open heart and mind) we embrace the study of yoga.

I embrace what I will learn from my study and doing yoga. I am open to the changes it will and has brought to my life. I have already experienced drastic changes. I TRUST that what ever happens will be for my highest good. I KNOW that some times the learning will not be easy. I HOPE to crack open my heart and the shields I have built over my lifetime. I will accept if after all this, my life remains simple and boring. Earlier I wrote that the paths I have always taken were the least traveled, I always chose the really hard and difficult ways of doing things. Nothing I ever did was easy. I was proud of myself that I was so strong and able to meet every challenge. I always did what was in my heart, but it seems all those decisions and hard ways have led me only to being alone. Completely and utterly alone.
I am tired of hard work now. I just want the easy way out. Maybe live in a secluded property away from people. I think about that all the time. So I will with humility and an open heart and mind embrace the study of yoga to see what it shall bring.

Power to the Peaceful Yoga

Jivamukti, I have found my yoga. Jivamukti. I have been doing the Sharon Gannon and David Life Jivamukti yoga on my vacation and its been cleansing and exhilarating! Yesterday at the end I had visions of my mother on her death bed. No it was not disturbing visions but cleansing and healing visions of her. I cried, cleansing tears. I miss you momma. I miss her so much, and in my ending meditation I breathed all of her strength into me with every breath and promised to continue her life inside of me, to experience every day for her. She has been gone over 20 years now but I miss her every day. I write her letters. Still.
Jivamukti yoga has really kept my attention and I am savoring every single moment, twist, bend and breath. I want more like a heroin addict! And I have also found Kirtan. I listen to it during the day. It brings such peace and serenity into my home.

Lokha Samasta Sukino Bhavantu Om Shanti shanti shanti

May all beings in all worlds be blessed with freedom, health and happiness
Peace in all minds, peace in all bodies, peace in all worlds.

Knowing

My day is complete! And it is only 7:30 a.m.! A smile just for me from a man I have a really good feeling about.
Really good.


Can this day get any better? Only 10:45 and I just did the most amazing chakra balancing yoga outside under the pear tree! I feel soooo exhilarated!

Transformation Vacation

I am on the porch with my coffee and Mother Earth News. They are offering a DVD 40 years for 40$ I plan to purchase. It is every article ever published in Mother Earth the last 40 years! I think that is a GOOD deal, especially if I plan to retire to a Duro shed in the middle of the woods. My retirement plans change on a daily basis. So much so that in my daily notebook I have a spot I have bookmarked, "Current Retirement Plans".
Well for the next 12 days I have several really good books and lots of yoga and exercise planned. If you do not hear from me that is because I have decided to go "off grid" from everything. I have communicated with the only two people in the world that need to know why they may not hear from me. The only two people I talk to on a daily basis that are and have been what I would call the Truest of friends!!! Unconditional Friends. Hey, see, I have learned something already in my
transformation vacation first morning!
Oh the possibilities of a vacation ahead of me..................

90 Days of Yoga - Day 8-10 Lunar Yoga

We have had 2 lunar eclipses, June 26 and July 11, major for me Capricorn. My horoscope says that means BIG changes will come into my life. Eclipses are a sign of endings. Endings of things or relationships that are not working in your life to make room for things that are better. As I read those words for the last few months I panicked. I knew exactly who they were talking about. Its not like I haven't tried to extract Jeffery or feelings for Jeffery before. But there just seem to be times I just want to hold on kicking and screaming and never let go. Only because well 1, he was the BEST. And 2, it was so familiar. But I do send all of the Jeffery in my life out to the universe now. With good thoughts.

So today to honor the lunar eclipses altho I am a few days behind I will do my Moon Salutations!
I am SO ready for the next chapter of my life. I have learned in the last few weeks due to some cosmic prodding NOT to return to the same old same old, even if it is another man other than Jeffery. I have been reminded that allot of the important men in my life, (Jeffery, Frank, even John) have treated me like an after thought. Some thing they will get to when all the important OTHER things have been emptied. Number 5 on every one's list of priorities, and I am so tired of the boring and mundane. and the waiting waiting waiting. If I want that, I will remain alone very happily.

I have always heard, if a man wants you, he will go after you!!! Remember that ladies. NEVER chase a man!

With that said, oh I am so very happy! The man in my neighborhood that I have adored from afar is, well I cannot say actively after me, but well, yes actually he IS. Would you say being parked right in front of my car looking for me to come out of the the gas station, seeing me, getting out of his car and asking me WHERE have I been all week????? Is kind of actively pursuing? We talked and more on that another time. But all I can say is that slowly but surely, things are looking good.
And to think I almost gave him up for someone who lives so far away and really treats me like an afterthought, that would have been the OLD Cyndie, going for someone that is literally not 100% available.
So I promise I will not make all the old mistakes, God has allowed me one last soul mate, I guess I didn't use up my quota for this lifetime. I will do it all right, and nurture and let this grow. I hope my next full moon we will be gazing at it together, dreamily happy!

90 Days of Yoga - Day 7 Heart Opening

I had to search for a heart opening yoga today because I am not very good at letting people into my life. I am reluctantly trying to shed my hermit ways. It will be 2 years in Aug I have been in the city. I had relegated my self to Gasport when I came back from Denver, that wasn't secluded enough, I moved to a farmhouse in Albion surrounded by cornfields. Ok so I was also trying to move closer to Jeffery and revive what we had in Lockport when we lived so close to each other. But it was also there I began my intensive yoga which changed my life and brought me back home.
In the yoga session I was asked to feel compassion and love, so I thought of my dogs, they always give me a really good feeling in my heart, then I was asked to expand that feeling, so I thought about the dogs in the neighborhood, it is very easy for me to love all dogs. Then I expanded good thoughts toward my neighbors, I feel that I have to send good thoughts and intentions to people that bother me to cancel out those bad thoughts. So I thought of my neighbors that irritate me on a daily basis, I started to surround our circle of homes with the healing white light of protection, then I started to expand that to the rest of my neighborhood, which to my astonishment included the guy 2 streets over I have had a crush on for 2 years that talked to me and then suddenly disappeared and to my cousin 2 streets the other way that I have not been having very good thoughts about. I surrounded us all with the light of protection. It may have dissipated my negative feelings but it also reinforced feelings of wanting to be a hermit and to go live in the woods and not have to deal with the complication of people. So much for heart opening. I am really good at running away. But what is so wrong about living in a little cabin in the woods with my dogs and reading, cooking and doing yoga everyday??????

90 Days of Yoga - Day 4 - 6 Balance

I have been trying to get up early to do yoga in the morning. Not every morning but that may soon come. I have been reading allot of Yoga articles and books, (and listening to yoga talk podcasts!) the past few days also and there seemed to be a running theme, (of course I do not believe in coincidences) BALANCE. At first it seems so simple, I have learned to balance things in my life, right? Career is no longer my numero uno, now that I don't devote 14 hour days to my company I am home alone with the TV. Now that I work normal hours, I no longer have a family to come home too. Cosmic joke maybe. Balance? Hmm? I guess I am still learning that one. I am an all or nothing gal. Black or white. I am not good with the grey areas in between. Action Woman or total sloth. Just one drink? ha Never, or no drinking at all all weekend. Friend or enemy. That I think is where I need to learn my balance. Not be so rigid.
But speaking of drinking! I look over at my water bottle in the morning sun, it looks so beautiful all shiny and glittery and I have written words on my water bottle, I was listening to a study by Dr Emoto that was very fascinating. I do believe that if you set your intentions and write beautiful words on your water container, the water becomes more than just water. And what a beautiful way to set your intentions, on cool clear water that goes down your throat, quenches you and is so very close to your heart and soul. Dr Emoto's water when left in a petri dish created beautiful crystals, where the water with no words only created fungus. I have heard about creating your own healing water this way years ago. I just like the beautiful intention!
Well it is a beautiful Saturday morning and I don't have any intentions for this weekend except to do yoga, eat healthy and read allot! And drink lots of water from my beautiful bottle.

90 Days of Yoga - Day 3 (again)

This morning I got up at 6 am and did Yoga for Blissfulness and it felt great! And I am learning to cultivate blissfulness in my day. We are in the midst of a heat wave, and my bliss is sitting here in the dark with the AC on and a fan blowing a breeze. I tried to go outside, I hosed down myself, Jasper and Jeffery but it was just too unbearable. It makes me wonder, how would I be able to live in a cabin in the woods like a hermit in a heat wave? Live by a lake? I would have to
have solar panels installed so I at least have electricity. Some days I dream of living in my own little Quietude. Oh how I would love waking up any time I want, do yoga, drink coffee and read all day. And yes, watch all the DVD's I have downloaded on my laptop in the evenings. Maybe save for the weekends. And then I remember I am NOT really good at growing veggies, or making soap! And canning scares me! I would like my Quietude close to Wegmans. And it would have to be big enough for my king size bed, L shaped leather couch and my 60 inch tv. Other than that I will be back to nature!!!! But that will be my Bliss when I retire (for now, other times I want to retire to a luxury Winnebago and eat in every restaurant in the USA, but I get panic attacks driving over the interstate....another story another time) right now my bliss is the breeze coming from the fan.........

I am sooooo terrible at commiting to my yoga! Maybe that should say something of it's self. During this 90 days of yoga I guess today would be, Day 15? Lets start this over again tomorrow morning shall we? Hmm that does sound like me, always starting over. And I did get 2 more yoga books in the mail, and 2 more dog books, but I am not closer to understanding my manimals either. But I still feel good. Still love life. Still happy.

90 Days of Yoga - Day 2 Heart cracked open a little.

Well of course getting back to yoga again after not doing it a little while, I was rusty. But it felt really really good. I even felt my heart crack open a little. In a good way of course. I refuse to let it crack any other way now! I usually do some yoga in the shower, a couple triangles, a few tree poses to ground me for the day, I throw in what I call my Stings, as I heard they were Sting's fav pose. Finish off with some cat cows. But that was this morning, not the yoga I did when I got home. I feel good. I started the day out with someone I have had my eye on for 4 years walking toward me today before I got to work. That is all I can say right now. It was good tho! Very good.

Yoga quote for today - Smile, it gets better - stolen from pg

90 Days of Yoga - Day 1 Summer Solstice

I am committed to doing 90 days of Yoga, and not asana's every single day, (but I will try) but living the Yoga lifestyle to the fullest. Living the Yamas and Niyamas, as well as eating healthy and reading good spiritual books. So what kicked off this commitment? Since the weather has been so nice I have found myself out and partying much too much. Yes, it was fun, but left me feeling empty and guilty inside. I don't like that feeling. That is not me any more. I want to get back to the earth and feel grounded, the way I do when I do my yoga and live a good life. Partying just brings shallow and wrong people into my life. Men with hearts so thin you could see right thru them. Friends that really aren't friends. When I did yoga it changed my life. It opens my heart. It makes good things happen to me.

So with that said, I really meant to go in the back yard as soon as I got home and do a summer solstice yoga, but I got side tracked thinking I needed a patio table, got one, stuffed it into the back of my car, yanked it out and yanked my back out. I bent over it for an hour putting it together. I got the zucchini and steak on the grill and once all was done and I got my chair back from Jasper who stole it, I sat in the back yard for the first time this year, and me and my manimals enjoyed the longest day of the year. We stayed out back till dusk. That was my yoga for the day. I know, lame. I will try to get up early and do yoga in the morning, if not, I will definitely do it when I get home tomorrow.

Today's yoga quote for day 1 - The intention is there in my heart. That is the beginning of my commitment.

LOL update,,,

Ok so I just went to the dating website, just for the fun of it, to see all my old friends. Cuz yes after years of this. They all look so familiar to me, faces from my first divorce! But the thing that struck me really funny today was the amount of pics of men LAYING on the couch!!!!! Does any one find this extremely funny???? Am I looking for a couch potato? Or also a large number of men on thier Harleys. Do you men understand that your pictures say a thousand words? Like, this is my bike bitch and you will never come between us or before it! This is where I spend my money honey...............and all my time.......ok maybe a little bitter .....hahahahahaha, always a hoot to check the dating sites.....

Fat Bikers

I used to love riding on a Harley, the smell and the sound of that rumbling motor. What freedom it was, the wind in my hair, hanging on to some gorgeous bad boy. Back then, men that rode Harleys were hot. I always said they were reincarnated Pirates. Adventurous men that took your breath away like in the romance novels. Now you don't see very many Sportsters which is all well and good. I do see alot of Road Kings, and all I see are fat men on Harleys. Men with beer guts the size of Thanksgiving turkeys. What happened? Is it only lazy old men that can now afford these iron horses? Have the young bad boys found something else? Riding Guitar Hero's or Playstations instead now? Well then, I am glad I had my youth on the back of a bike instead. The adventures and memories are exhilarating and sound alot more interesting than hanging out in someone's basement drinking redbull and watching guys play air guitar. And the big belly bikers that are out there now? Probly picking up old divorcee's in mom jeans...........

LOL = Losers On Line

Why do I subject myself to this. Every once in a while I will join an online dating service. What I should really do is write a DO NOT DO THIS list for men who are trying to meet women online. So for you men who are wondering why it is not working for you? Here are some tips:

1. Your screen name should be upbeat and not obnoxious, I will never ever reply to men with handles like: ReallylonelyGuy, Hazeleyescrying, STUD696969, Mywifecheatedonmewithmybestfriend, you get the jist..........

2. Photos, MUST have photos, but not ones of you without your shirt on in the bathroom mirror. Maybe if you are on the beach... and LOSE THE SUNGLASSES, if the only pics you have are of you in your sunglasses, get new ones. And for heavens sake - do not use pictures that obviously have a woman cut out of it!

3. Winks are LAME, if you like a woman for God's sake email her!!! Don't wink and expect her to to all the work. GEZ.

4. DO NOT LIE: about your age, photo age, height, weight, hair, marital status, portion control, smoking, job, home etc. do not even stretch the truth, not only will being caught in a lie be a waste of everyone's time. Even if you stretch things, it is the action that dissappoints us most of all.

5. Make sure your Baby-Momma drama is contained.

6. Don't even think of dating if you just broke up/separated/divorced. You are not date material. You need to heal and get over the break up. You are useless to us and none of us want to be your transitional woman. I know you guys are desparate to fill a void as soon as possible, but it will not end well. No woman of substance will want you. If you do go ahead and try to date you WILL get exactly the kind of woman you deserve, one that is just as desparate as you, and those women tend to make you miserable after a while and you will be back on match.com in no time.

7. Do not, I repeat, Do not ever ever ever mention anything about your ex wife, ex girlfriend or all the "woman I dated"'s, us women like to think we are unique and may be polite and smile while you go on for 3 hours about your ex but believe me, in our minds we have already checked you off the list and can't wait to go home. We never ever ever want to hear about other women in your past. No matter how well the divorce, break up worked for YOU. If you ever want a new woman in your life, leave your past women, in the past. We don't care how well you get along with each other now, we don't care about your vacation stories, or fun snowmoble stories, we don't ever ever ever want to hear about any other women that were in your life. Yes I know that sounds harsh, but its a hormone thing.

8, If you really did see Big Foot in the woods, keep it to your self, no matter how exciting you think the story is........

I started writing this post thinking I could make it light and funny and all it is doing is pissing me off. I hate online dating. I think I am going to go back to the old fashioned way of going to bars and getting absolutely hammered doing shots and taking my chances with whose left over at closing time, it seemed to have worked well for me when I was younger, and if I recall, I had a friggin BLAST in those days............

Hey bartender, round of shots here, I'll have a BV..........

Ahhhhhhh youth!

It was "pictures of the past" last week, starting 2 Saturdays ago on Facebook when my old boyfriend Markie Mark started posting pics of me, our dog Kirsch, Elayne posted pics of us, my 69 Chevelle, Pam posted pics of me dressed as Madonna on Halloween and a great pic of Karen Becker as an accident victim! And then John forwards pics of me and Ray on the Miss Buffalo in the early 90's. Every picture had a running theme, YOUNG Cyndie. Young skinny Cyndie. Cyndie with great eyebrows. Oh how I yearned for my youth. At first sadness......but not any more. Now I know I need to enjoy every minute I have now. I am still young, not skinny but not fat! And well, my eyebrows aren't so bad..............now if I could just find that Ray..........yowza

if you are not already my friend on FB you need to go and check out all the great pics! Come on
you have no idea what you are missing.........

Dinner tonite!

I have really strange eating habits. While I do try to eat healthy, when I find something I like, I may have it, consecutively for weeks in a row. Tonite, and probly for the next 5 nights, it is steamed veggies and salmon! I have finally got it down to where I can steam the veggies to still crisp and colorful. I shake a bit of terriyaki sauce and grated fresh ginger on top. Here you see, salmon, brussel sprouts, sugar snap peas, and mini red and orange peppers. I usually slice up some bok choy in this dish as well. My inspiration for this dish is Kylie Kwong. I love her recipes.

This is my drive to work........meandering calmly in the morning

Dancing at the Lafayette Tap Room

Went out for Happy Hour with friends, checked out the New Duff's on Dick Rd. Great 2 for 1 specials, but the atmosphere was not so great. BRIGHT lights that me and the other older women were none too fond of, and the music was just loud enough so that you could not tell what the song was.....of course me, she who cannot go straight home, ended up at the Lafayette Tap room. I hung out with some new friends I made, and there was this one couple, whose names I have already forgotten, they have been married like forever. They have been coming to the Tap room for over 20 years. And they dance. Every time they are there. Maybe 20 dances a night. I watched them dance together. Blues music. They seemed to have the yoga face. You know, complete calm and serenity. That "I don't give a hoot about anything" smirk. They were really happy with each other. And then upon closer inspection, I noticed something really odd. He had a sort of crooked bend for an old man, and so did she. But the closer I looked they bent into each other like interlocking puzzle peices.
20 years of dancing with each other will do that to a couple.....how wonderful to have a puzzle peice that fits only you.

Look at all my birdies!!!!

Birdie Birdies

I love to sit at my cozy kitchen table early in the morning, and the coffee is goooooooood. My most favorite thing to do besides french toast is watching the birds at the bird feeder. I love each and every little fat budgie birdie. I also have a squirrel that comes by too. Its these simple things that God spoils me with. Oh the potential of a Saturday ahead of you. What to do, what to do..........

Name that farm

Cold Antler Farm is a new blog I have been following, Turkey Hill Farm is the famous name of Martha Stewart's farm. I need to name my farm! Ok so maybe I don't have a farm, but what I do have is Barnheart, which is a yearning to live amongst farm animals in the country and churn your own butter, which is actually really easy if you read the blog. I have always wanted a farm with a big vegetable and herb garden in the back, flower gardens along the sides of the house, chickens and goateee goatees..... I love goats. Hmmmmm the Shabby Goat Farm (shabby chic). Ok I HEARD that, I am not using the Funny Farm. Even tho I have been really bad lately. I think I got it all out of my system. I need to revert to being the farm girl I always wanted to be, but for now, the farmgirl that lives in the city. This distraction finally comes at a good time. I have been wasting too much time with the past. I yell at everyone else for dwelling in the past and there I am leading the parade! I love all the recipes and cool things that I could sew or knit. I am getting all these ideas from these great blogs and I will link to them on the side there -------> So this blog is going to take a turn there. Or should I start a whole new blog? Well let me noodle on that. More to come. Since I have also been cooking alot, I will start adding my recipes and pics too.

Conversation with God

After a conversation with God I was advised that the potential relationship I mourned in my post yesterday never would have grown into what my imagination thought. Something in me sensed it. My instincts told me what you see on the outside is not real. The more I thought about it the more I could see evidence of disconnects with truth, there was not enough "root system" to hold the massive tree of potential that is in store for me. This was a catalyst to break open my very closed heart, so that what is in store for me can be accepted with great appreciation. There is a reason why people come into your life. Good or bad, just be wise enough to discern their motivations. Do not put people on pedestals that don't deserve it. Let God take care of that because they will receive everything they DO deserve.

My Soul Mates Christmas 2009

Has it really been almost a year?????

March 9th was my last blog? Really? Wow, I know it has a lot to do with FaceBook. Second, since I moved here back to the city of Buffalo, this house is really like a home for me now. Maybe like songwriter's, they can't write unless they are wallowing in pain, I have no agony as my muse. And that has sooooo not been me the last year and a half. I have been embracing my life. Good and bad and the bad is not so much now. I have had just a few set backs. REAL BIG ONE's tho. One's that have completely altered my thinking and the way I do things from now on. I also think yoga is making me YOUNGER! hahahahahaha, no really. I look alot younger than I did when I came back from Denver in 2006.
Also, I was at the bookstore mid 2009 and a book caught my eye.... Merle's Door by Ted Kerasote. It is a story about a dog but 10 times better than Marley and me. Not only did I really love the book, it opened a door for myself, so to speak. The way Ted Kerasote wrote about the outdoors, mainly Wyoming, and living a natural outdoors type of life, it did two things. It made me REALLY regret moving back from Denver. And two instead of all the "spiritual" type books I have started reading more outdoors and animal books, all the books by Ted, some great ones by Jane Goodall, and my new hero Ann Labastille, the Woodswoman who built her own log homes and lived in the Adirondack mountains. Oh I can smell the camp fire already......there are other books too by Terry Tempest Williams and many many more in a stack waiting to be read. Its like a whole new world for me. A world I would love to live in some how some way. I just don't think I could hunt to keep myself alive. Maybe a really nice log home, near a stream, a few blocks from Wegman's. Well, as long as I can have a nice fire pit in the yard. I ask God all the time if I used up my lifetime supply of soul mates. I have had some great relationships and have learned to put others ahead of me. That is what will make me happy, to see the people in my life happy because of me, because I put them first, made them feel special, because they ARE. I just want a nice simple life with someone, and wouldn't it be great if he had kids? I would love to adopt or become a foster parent but I beleive it takes two parents so I won't do that to a child. I dream of a house and you look into the glowing light of the window and you see us, laughing around the dinner table, playing games, making plans. I worry that my wishes have been used up. So I guess I should start cutting down trees for my log home in the woods.........

I BEEN FACEBOOKED!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry I have not been on here in a while, I have been sucked into the energy vampire FACE BOOK vortex ......hhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllpppppppppppppp

Good Sharing

I woke up this morning determined not to turn on the tv but to relax with my dogs on the couch and read. But I don't have any new books. I looked on Freecycle, nothing. I came across this great website called www.GoodSharing.com where you can create your own circle of sharing friends and you all can offer things to share with in a set time limit. When I think of all the great books, CDs and movie DVD's that myself and friends all have to share I think this is quite a great idea. So please go to www.GoodSharing.com and take a look and soon you and your friends will be creating your own sharecircle. It doesn't have to be limited to items either, hockey or soccer moms can share rides or driving. The ideas are endless!

My back yard 12/21/2008

My street, plowed once since Friday

My Street !!!!

Inside....I just added crispy bacon to my potato soup!

I was not alone on Thanksgiving day.........

At the end of my street were OVER 10,000 people! The oldest consecutively run foot race in North America. As of this morning, 10,250 people had registered to run in Buffalo's 113th annual Turkey Trot.
And with all those people at the end of my street, I sweatered up the boys and headed down to check out the festivities. It was COLD, but spirits were up! It was
really cool to see all the people. God works in mysterious ways. I got to mingle with the karma of over 10,000 people and then return to my quiet toasty warm home.
Today, I am truly greatful for all that I have in my life today. I am truly blessed with the most beautiful 23 year old daughter that has a fantastic head on her shoulders, (lightyears ahead of her mom at that age, headed toward a great life). Two precious pups that make me laugh and feel loved every day. A great cozy home and neighborhood, good friends, family, and a job I love and can learn in every day.
There is so much more. Thank you Lord.
now to google...how long to bake a 14lb turkey.........

Revelation 3

As I was driving home from my Saturday afternoon lunch at Panera, I witnessed a car stopping all oncoming traffic, in the middle of the road waiting to get into my lane. I let the little old couple in front of me. A thought suddenly dawned on me as I followed this little old couple down Delaware Road.
My retirement vehicle! Not only do I have to save up in my 403B, but something that not a lot of us think about, I will also have to set aside money for my Crown Victoria or Mercury Marquise!!!!!! How much do those things cost any way???? Oh, if only they still made those big square Lincoln Town cars! You know, the kind that you could only make a 14 point turn in, a modified retirement version of the 3 point turn. I would get a yellow one with the black roof. With these economic times, the failure of GM, Ford and Chrysler, should I buy my Crown Victoria NOW???? And store it until I retire? What kind of cars will be available in the future? What kind of fuel will be available. Oh, sooooo many things to think about and plan for. I got my Social Security statement in the mail last month. It stated that if I want my full retirement amount I have to retire at 70!!! Will I shrink by then? Will I be able to see over the steering wheel? Will it matter? Will I just drive any way? I knew of a little old lady who lived on Troy Del Way and she had this beautiful Gold Caddillac. It was a well known fact that she would just pull out onto Sheridan drive without checking traffic. Yikes!!! Will that be me? I am a stubborn bull head now, who knows what dementia will
add to my personality? Everyone is talking about fuel efficient cars, new fuels, restructuring vehicles for the changing times. I know one thing they are not thinking about. And that is what kind of car are the retired little old people going to drive? Soon the baby boomer retiree’s will outnumber all other generations.
Something to think about Detroit………..

My dream retirement car

Revelation 2

One of my most significant revelations. One goal I never achieved. In my spiritual journey, I was at the apex of my journey. My life was so good. I was in my dream job, I loved my home, I felt really good. Of course, I got greedy. I thought. If I feel this good now, how about I go to Denver and work for Trizetto???? What an adventure, what a beautiful place to live in. So I did, and those months before I moved and while I was there in Denver, I felt like all the terrible things in my life that I endured were finally OVER! The horrible pain and suffering was over. The sacrifices and the losses I never thought I could endure or forget were fading. The forty or more years of
a life that was just surviving the best that I could was over. I was finally really living a real and fantastic life! And I did it all on my own.
I was so proud of myself. I was starting a new life with new beginnings. Those first few months, working at a fantastic company, learning like a sponge. I was in my glory. I sold and gave away everything I had in NY to drive to Denver with just my little dog Jasper and what important books and things I could pack in my Tracker. So buying all new things with my hefty new salary in my really great
town house was like a dream. Meeting new people, exploring different areas every weekend. New restaurants! New shopping malls.
I have to say it was one of the most wonderful times of my life.
Well, how did I get there in the first place you ask? Hmmmmmm, well, a few years before I moved, I met a man. A man that I thought was my soul mate. I was married before, I was in love before, but this was something sooooooo different. He was beyond my soul mate. I fell so in love. And there were so many signs – for me – that told me he was my destiny. I learned and transformed because of him. I changed from a cold, shy selfish woman into someone that could put someone else first. Because this was a four year transformation we had good and bad. But even at my worst moments, he always came back. With stipulations of course. There were always conditions tied to his time with me. And I believed every word he said. Because he was really good at “Not saying” or not revealing the real truths. I won’t go into all of that. So after the on again off again situation. I realized that he would never make a place for me in his life. And since this was the love of my life, my one and only soul mate. How in the world can I forget him? I would have to move far away. Far away from his visits. Because no matter how much I would plead for him to stay away he wouldn’t. Silly me I took those visits as a sign that he really truly loved me. So when he would still stay in touch with me in Denver, I took that as a sign that
maybe he really is my destiny. But now I am in Denver, making a really good salary. Even if I wanted to move back to New York, there
just isn’t a job for me there. So this was one of the biggest goals I ever achieved. No moving to Denver was not it. It was moving BACK to NY to be with him. That was one of the hardest goals I ever gave myself.An example of this man's selective information sharing was that it wasn't until TWO WEEKS before I moved back that he let it slip that his ex-wife was currently LIVING with him. Actually he didn't let it slip, I had to pull it out of him like a wisdom tooth. My Operation Move back to NY project was already in full boar and at the point of no return. So for a few days I sulked, but then immediately went into my Scarlett O'Hara mode (As evidenced in my July 2, 2006 archive)I will move back to Tara, the land that I LOVE it is there I get my strength! And God as my witness I will Win him BACK!
So I did it. Just to be with him I put that wonderful world that I had finally found behind me. I had to really scrimp and save for the move. I returned to my old job. I knew the first week would be the hardest, but I put a smile on my face and faced all my old co-workers upon my return. I knew I might look like a failure, but I would endure anything to be back with him. When I got back to New York, I moved close to him. In Gasport, when that wasn’t enough, I moved again to Albion to be really close to him. That was even more horrible. I couldn’t sleep at night wondering if anything happened to my car, how would I get to work? I drove an hour to and from work every day. Just to be near him because he was my destiny…………..
My Revelation: He never loved me the way I thought he did. I created the whole 6 year romance in my head. The five minutes he would stop to visit I twisted into romantic overtures in my imagination. I was really blind to so many things that were right in front of me. He was really good at evading the truth to keep my imagination going. He never cared about me. It was the fact that I was available for him. That is the only reason why he came to visit. Because I was the perfect idiot for him to get what he needed and he could still carry on with his sham of a life. It took me a long time to come to this revelation. My Revelation: I loved a man that never existed. I built him up in the many many hours I waited. There was soooo much time in the “in-between” times to conjure up this fantastical romance. It was all in my mind. He is done with me now. I am not needed any more. I am the biggest fool. One goal I never achieved. But one more revelation in this Grand dad of revelations, in the time that I knew him I changed drastically for the better. I always thought I grew and transformed because of him, when actually it was in spite of him.

Revelation 1

The feeling of being valuable, essential to mental health, is a cornerstone of self discipline. This sense of “I am a valuable person” must come from your parents. Such a conviction must be gained in childhood. It is extremely difficult to acquire in adulthood. The result of consistent parental love will give a deep internal sense of your own value. But also a deep sense of SECURITY!!!!
My revelation: I always thought the answers to my prayers would be if I won the lottery. THEN I would finally be happy. And through a series of questions on my never ending quest and spiritual journey, I kept asking myself “why” to get to the deeper meaning of what would my happiness consist of? Well, I want a new house that I own all myself. I can buy a new car that will never break down or be repossessed. It will be comfortable, not noisy and clunky. But I still kept asking why? why? Until I came down to just the basic but powerful……I just want to FEEL secure.
I always thought that my consistency as the mountain goat, always reaching my goals as I slowly but surely headed to the top of that mountain was just part of my personality. The goal getter. I will learn and conquer. I can learn anything I put my mind to. And I did, and still do…….I would set insurmountable goals, and reach them. Like my dream job, or moving to Denver and THEN wanting to move BACK to NY. (see Revelation 2, another fine story). Nothing was impossible for me. But now I see it was just my way of obtaining security for myself. Trying to give myself a sense of sanctuary and safety. The warm fuzzies of life, because no one else would be able to do that for me. My parents certainly did not. They did the complete opposite in fact. My father’s side of the family abandoning me at a very young age because they just didn’t like my mother, (because for some ODD reason she acted a little pissed off when her husband, who brought her to America from a foreign country and then proceeded to beat her causing several miscarriages and blatantly having affairs with other women………..) No, that didn’t help. By the time I was old enough to be married my husbands couldn’t do it. Either I wouldn’t let them or in my quest to make myself the strongest woman in the world – I trampled them in my growth spurt to get to the top of the mountain.
Now? Well, I do feel happy and secure to a point. I am still in my dream job. I feel very blessed for all in my life today.
I have never felt as cozy and comfy as I do now in this house in Buffalo. I think it’s the area. Just a few blocks away is where I grew up pre – 13 yrs. Just a few blocks away is where my world was ripped to pieces when dad moved out and mom raised me and my brother. Maybe I have come full circle- to close the gap. And as always, when I have these revelations on my self, there is always that counter revelation of ……what have I done to my daughter?

More to come………

A New Day in History

I am very glad that this Nation can grow and mature enough to elect a Black American to the presidency. I am proud and happy to be a witness to this historic event. I may not be real happy about the Party but I am HOPEFUL. I am not disappointed, I am HOPEFUL.

Living Your Dream

I came across these video's about creating an eco village in Russia, they are short but tug at my heart. I would LOVE to live in this kind of villiage! Watch them all they are very interesting but mainly the last one, Living your dream..........in any language you feel the love.........

A few excerpts from the beautiful movie about existing Eco-village in Russia.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JByrc98ExY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KH5W7utCjKA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNvGG4_KkyM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeImv_GM4zc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeSU0QfevsQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH7qLIVvsIc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJjd4Nx_NqA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQS0sXx9LH4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9shbBQur2T8

Good Saturday morning.......

and the coffee is goooooood. Im on the porch, because i could see no sun in the living room. Ahhhhh possibilities
of what to do all day!!!! I have a meditation book i have been trying to read for an hour now but always getting side tracked, just like when i try to meditate! hhahahaha how apropos, the neighborhood is quiet at 9:40, the sun is warm and the leaves are rustling. I want to leave my carved pumpkin for now. Last night Halloween trick or treaters were slow at first but by 7pm a steady stream. I love Halloween and of course, by 7:30 I ran out of candy like I do every year. But the treaters were dwindled considerably by then so I think I only missed about 5.
I feel really great today. Life is good. On the list of possibilities for today, Potato leek soup and home made bread. I just put a bunch of banana's in a brown bag for banana bread tomorrow. Rake leaves, walk the boys in Delaware park - a must - they have been so good all week. Yoga of course, read.....cooking shows are DVR'd, but where to go for lunch? Panera? Pano's? Ahhhhh the choices of an autumn saturday afternoon..........

Oh also, my daughter has started her own blog........she seems to have an agenda and of course mom whole heartedly wants to help so I am forwarding on a link to her blog.

http://iwanttomarrytrentedwards.blogspot.com/2008/10/happy-belated-birthday-darlin.html

Stop the Chase and become a witness

The more you pursue desires, the more they elude you. Try letting life come to you.

Easier said than done for this capricorn! I always seem to know just the right angles to manipulate my way. I always used to say, I always got my way, whether it was good for me or not! And I would laugh, but knowingly pursuing things that I knew in the long run would not
be good for my life. I have learned the hard way many time. But that was many lifetimes ago.
I have since been living a wonderfully good and simple life. I find it ironic that now in these
times of financial instability people are trying to learn to live simply, the way I have been
for many years now. So in this incidental way they will have the side effect of a whole and fulfilled
soul. Maybe finally people will learn that they are not their possessions and possessions do not
fill that big void in your soul. Last month I was listening to a talk show where callers were talking about the thought of living life without credit cards. When the listeners called in and
rattled off lists of things that they do buy with those credit cards I thought to myself, those are
stupid, mundane, wasteful objects that just add to absolutely NOTHING in your life. I have done without those things for years. As George Karlin would say, stuff is stuff. Sure i have stuff, but I also sleep well and don't wake up in the middle of the night because I don't know how I am going to pay my bills. Look around you and look at your stuff, what do you cherish most? What could you not do without? ......................go ahead, take some time to look.....................
I hope you listed your kids, your family, your friends, you loved pets. I hope you did not even mention that ridiculously large flat screen that hypnotises you into not doing things with your family, your life..........
go on, go outside and take the dog for a long walk in the crisp fall air. Come back bake some bread (kneeding is like a meditation) and read a good book............

Quote is from Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life - Dr Wayne Dyer (An excellent book to get you thru these times)

Pumpkins on the porch

Putting pumpkins on the porch in October is one of the comfort things in my life. I feel that my home is finally a home when I do my pumpkin ritual. See the boys thru the door? hahahahaha....

Happy Halloweeeenie everyone!

I'M Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

I have some great ideas for some great Podcasts, coming in the VERY near future!
Due to a continuous stream of social activities I have been absent, but I will soon return Are you ready for your Cyndie Buzz??????!!!!!

very sooooooon!

Aint nuthin better than FAMILY!!!!!

I would pay good money for a desk chair of my design

I was just sitting here at my desk giving thanks to God for my really great life. I have re-committed myself today to really teach myself and learn more technical applications for my job and for the future. I was listening to a podcast on the way to work this glorious morning and it was about the Law of Attraction and job finding. What is your dream job? Well, I am in my dream job actually. 2 years before I became a Business Analyst, a job posting came up at work. For a Business Analyst for our Diamond System. It was the first time I ever saw those two words together!! It looked SOOO interesting but I did not have enough courage to go for it. But the girl who did get that job? I ended up taking her place when she moved into the Business Analyst position. I watched her for two years and ENVIED her every minute. In a good way of course. And when she left to take a Directors position, I KNEW I had to go for my dream job. And yes I got it. Ever since then I have been in my glory! I love all things technical. I am a GEEK. So MORE of my dream job at this time would be to do this great technical stuff from HOME. I would love to be a technical writer and just create documentation and manuals ALL day. Or do reports all day. I really really REVEL in it!!!! And of course I offset all this technical stuff by being a green, earth loving, tree hugging, organic homeopathic hippy! hahahahaha. Which brings me back to my CHAIR. So here I am, in my office, at my desk at home. I have chosen to give up the DVR-ed soap operas and spend my time with all my Tutorials, Element K, tech writing, SQL and Database courses for the summer. HECK yeah!!!
And honestly, I could sit at my desk for HOURS, but its my boys. They look at me and whine because they can't sit next to me during this. So I would like to design a desk chair that is so huge that I can put a doggie on each side of me. I can't do all this computer stuff on the couch or even the bed with the laptop, I need to be at a desk for this. So can someone out there design this chair for me? hahahahaha Make Jasper and Jeffery happy???
Oh GOOD news. Not just 5 minutes ago I was praising Jasper, he ate his WHOLE plate of DOG FOOD!!! Yes we are on day # 7 of dog food. I refuse to cook for them any more. They wouldnt eat it any way so......I am not giving in. Jasper has been pretty good. Jeffery, well, He just wont eat the can stuff. He will eat the dry dog food. I actually put the canned food in his mouth and he spits it out.
Its only been a week. We shall see who endures........

Me and My Rindfleisch FamilyMay 31, 2008

Busy Busy Busy

I have been very busy at work, we submit QARR to the State June 1st so that is a 24/7 project before and after that date, we work toward this every year so I gear up for it. And then this time moved right into another project of implementing and building CCA, a new application.

And when I come home I counter with yoga, and nature, my porch and plants. Reading alot, I have cut out alot of DVR-ing to read more. And that is where I am right now, on my porch with my morning coffee........mmmmm good. Also, I am moving back to Buffalo in August so conserving my funds for that as well. Yesterday me and my dogs sat on the porch and watched that big thunderstorm roll in. It was wonderful!!!! Of COURSE this place is becoming sooooo beautiful and peaceful when I know I have to move soon. But the gas prices and the hour drive in and back are too taxing on me now. And I have out grown my need to be a hermit and away from people. My yoga practice has evolved me into the person I always should have been.
I will be closer to family, friends, work and SUSHI!!!! hhahahahaha..... its all good.

No Podcast this week, due to terrible death in the family

I actually will be attending 2 funerals the next few days. As I deal with all these passings this weekend, I will be counting my blessings,my daughter, my neices and nephews, all of my family, my friends, my coworkers, and all of you. My cousin Bill passed away. Unexpectedly. Someone who had so much influence on my life. I will miss you Billy.....

Love Cyndie

Putting all of you under the white light umbrealla of protection and love

Baby's arm holding an apple..........

The Soundracks of My Life episode

best I could do, i refuse to get gruesome.................