Knowing

My day is complete! And it is only 7:30 a.m.! A smile just for me from a man I have a really good feeling about.
Really good.


Can this day get any better? Only 10:45 and I just did the most amazing chakra balancing yoga outside under the pear tree! I feel soooo exhilarated!

Transformation Vacation

I am on the porch with my coffee and Mother Earth News. They are offering a DVD 40 years for 40$ I plan to purchase. It is every article ever published in Mother Earth the last 40 years! I think that is a GOOD deal, especially if I plan to retire to a Duro shed in the middle of the woods. My retirement plans change on a daily basis. So much so that in my daily notebook I have a spot I have bookmarked, "Current Retirement Plans".
Well for the next 12 days I have several really good books and lots of yoga and exercise planned. If you do not hear from me that is because I have decided to go "off grid" from everything. I have communicated with the only two people in the world that need to know why they may not hear from me. The only two people I talk to on a daily basis that are and have been what I would call the Truest of friends!!! Unconditional Friends. Hey, see, I have learned something already in my
transformation vacation first morning!
Oh the possibilities of a vacation ahead of me..................

90 Days of Yoga - Day 8-10 Lunar Yoga

We have had 2 lunar eclipses, June 26 and July 11, major for me Capricorn. My horoscope says that means BIG changes will come into my life. Eclipses are a sign of endings. Endings of things or relationships that are not working in your life to make room for things that are better. As I read those words for the last few months I panicked. I knew exactly who they were talking about. Its not like I haven't tried to extract Jeffery or feelings for Jeffery before. But there just seem to be times I just want to hold on kicking and screaming and never let go. Only because well 1, he was the BEST. And 2, it was so familiar. But I do send all of the Jeffery in my life out to the universe now. With good thoughts.

So today to honor the lunar eclipses altho I am a few days behind I will do my Moon Salutations!
I am SO ready for the next chapter of my life. I have learned in the last few weeks due to some cosmic prodding NOT to return to the same old same old, even if it is another man other than Jeffery. I have been reminded that allot of the important men in my life, (Jeffery, Frank, even John) have treated me like an after thought. Some thing they will get to when all the important OTHER things have been emptied. Number 5 on every one's list of priorities, and I am so tired of the boring and mundane. and the waiting waiting waiting. If I want that, I will remain alone very happily.

I have always heard, if a man wants you, he will go after you!!! Remember that ladies. NEVER chase a man!

With that said, oh I am so very happy! The man in my neighborhood that I have adored from afar is, well I cannot say actively after me, but well, yes actually he IS. Would you say being parked right in front of my car looking for me to come out of the the gas station, seeing me, getting out of his car and asking me WHERE have I been all week????? Is kind of actively pursuing? We talked and more on that another time. But all I can say is that slowly but surely, things are looking good.
And to think I almost gave him up for someone who lives so far away and really treats me like an afterthought, that would have been the OLD Cyndie, going for someone that is literally not 100% available.
So I promise I will not make all the old mistakes, God has allowed me one last soul mate, I guess I didn't use up my quota for this lifetime. I will do it all right, and nurture and let this grow. I hope my next full moon we will be gazing at it together, dreamily happy!

90 Days of Yoga - Day 7 Heart Opening

I had to search for a heart opening yoga today because I am not very good at letting people into my life. I am reluctantly trying to shed my hermit ways. It will be 2 years in Aug I have been in the city. I had relegated my self to Gasport when I came back from Denver, that wasn't secluded enough, I moved to a farmhouse in Albion surrounded by cornfields. Ok so I was also trying to move closer to Jeffery and revive what we had in Lockport when we lived so close to each other. But it was also there I began my intensive yoga which changed my life and brought me back home.
In the yoga session I was asked to feel compassion and love, so I thought of my dogs, they always give me a really good feeling in my heart, then I was asked to expand that feeling, so I thought about the dogs in the neighborhood, it is very easy for me to love all dogs. Then I expanded good thoughts toward my neighbors, I feel that I have to send good thoughts and intentions to people that bother me to cancel out those bad thoughts. So I thought of my neighbors that irritate me on a daily basis, I started to surround our circle of homes with the healing white light of protection, then I started to expand that to the rest of my neighborhood, which to my astonishment included the guy 2 streets over I have had a crush on for 2 years that talked to me and then suddenly disappeared and to my cousin 2 streets the other way that I have not been having very good thoughts about. I surrounded us all with the light of protection. It may have dissipated my negative feelings but it also reinforced feelings of wanting to be a hermit and to go live in the woods and not have to deal with the complication of people. So much for heart opening. I am really good at running away. But what is so wrong about living in a little cabin in the woods with my dogs and reading, cooking and doing yoga everyday??????

90 Days of Yoga - Day 4 - 6 Balance

I have been trying to get up early to do yoga in the morning. Not every morning but that may soon come. I have been reading allot of Yoga articles and books, (and listening to yoga talk podcasts!) the past few days also and there seemed to be a running theme, (of course I do not believe in coincidences) BALANCE. At first it seems so simple, I have learned to balance things in my life, right? Career is no longer my numero uno, now that I don't devote 14 hour days to my company I am home alone with the TV. Now that I work normal hours, I no longer have a family to come home too. Cosmic joke maybe. Balance? Hmm? I guess I am still learning that one. I am an all or nothing gal. Black or white. I am not good with the grey areas in between. Action Woman or total sloth. Just one drink? ha Never, or no drinking at all all weekend. Friend or enemy. That I think is where I need to learn my balance. Not be so rigid.
But speaking of drinking! I look over at my water bottle in the morning sun, it looks so beautiful all shiny and glittery and I have written words on my water bottle, I was listening to a study by Dr Emoto that was very fascinating. I do believe that if you set your intentions and write beautiful words on your water container, the water becomes more than just water. And what a beautiful way to set your intentions, on cool clear water that goes down your throat, quenches you and is so very close to your heart and soul. Dr Emoto's water when left in a petri dish created beautiful crystals, where the water with no words only created fungus. I have heard about creating your own healing water this way years ago. I just like the beautiful intention!
Well it is a beautiful Saturday morning and I don't have any intentions for this weekend except to do yoga, eat healthy and read allot! And drink lots of water from my beautiful bottle.

90 Days of Yoga - Day 3 (again)

This morning I got up at 6 am and did Yoga for Blissfulness and it felt great! And I am learning to cultivate blissfulness in my day. We are in the midst of a heat wave, and my bliss is sitting here in the dark with the AC on and a fan blowing a breeze. I tried to go outside, I hosed down myself, Jasper and Jeffery but it was just too unbearable. It makes me wonder, how would I be able to live in a cabin in the woods like a hermit in a heat wave? Live by a lake? I would have to
have solar panels installed so I at least have electricity. Some days I dream of living in my own little Quietude. Oh how I would love waking up any time I want, do yoga, drink coffee and read all day. And yes, watch all the DVD's I have downloaded on my laptop in the evenings. Maybe save for the weekends. And then I remember I am NOT really good at growing veggies, or making soap! And canning scares me! I would like my Quietude close to Wegmans. And it would have to be big enough for my king size bed, L shaped leather couch and my 60 inch tv. Other than that I will be back to nature!!!! But that will be my Bliss when I retire (for now, other times I want to retire to a luxury Winnebago and eat in every restaurant in the USA, but I get panic attacks driving over the interstate....another story another time) right now my bliss is the breeze coming from the fan.........

I am sooooo terrible at commiting to my yoga! Maybe that should say something of it's self. During this 90 days of yoga I guess today would be, Day 15? Lets start this over again tomorrow morning shall we? Hmm that does sound like me, always starting over. And I did get 2 more yoga books in the mail, and 2 more dog books, but I am not closer to understanding my manimals either. But I still feel good. Still love life. Still happy.

90 Days of Yoga - Day 2 Heart cracked open a little.

Well of course getting back to yoga again after not doing it a little while, I was rusty. But it felt really really good. I even felt my heart crack open a little. In a good way of course. I refuse to let it crack any other way now! I usually do some yoga in the shower, a couple triangles, a few tree poses to ground me for the day, I throw in what I call my Stings, as I heard they were Sting's fav pose. Finish off with some cat cows. But that was this morning, not the yoga I did when I got home. I feel good. I started the day out with someone I have had my eye on for 4 years walking toward me today before I got to work. That is all I can say right now. It was good tho! Very good.

Yoga quote for today - Smile, it gets better - stolen from pg

90 Days of Yoga - Day 1 Summer Solstice

I am committed to doing 90 days of Yoga, and not asana's every single day, (but I will try) but living the Yoga lifestyle to the fullest. Living the Yamas and Niyamas, as well as eating healthy and reading good spiritual books. So what kicked off this commitment? Since the weather has been so nice I have found myself out and partying much too much. Yes, it was fun, but left me feeling empty and guilty inside. I don't like that feeling. That is not me any more. I want to get back to the earth and feel grounded, the way I do when I do my yoga and live a good life. Partying just brings shallow and wrong people into my life. Men with hearts so thin you could see right thru them. Friends that really aren't friends. When I did yoga it changed my life. It opens my heart. It makes good things happen to me.

So with that said, I really meant to go in the back yard as soon as I got home and do a summer solstice yoga, but I got side tracked thinking I needed a patio table, got one, stuffed it into the back of my car, yanked it out and yanked my back out. I bent over it for an hour putting it together. I got the zucchini and steak on the grill and once all was done and I got my chair back from Jasper who stole it, I sat in the back yard for the first time this year, and me and my manimals enjoyed the longest day of the year. We stayed out back till dusk. That was my yoga for the day. I know, lame. I will try to get up early and do yoga in the morning, if not, I will definitely do it when I get home tomorrow.

Today's yoga quote for day 1 - The intention is there in my heart. That is the beginning of my commitment.

LOL update,,,

Ok so I just went to the dating website, just for the fun of it, to see all my old friends. Cuz yes after years of this. They all look so familiar to me, faces from my first divorce! But the thing that struck me really funny today was the amount of pics of men LAYING on the couch!!!!! Does any one find this extremely funny???? Am I looking for a couch potato? Or also a large number of men on thier Harleys. Do you men understand that your pictures say a thousand words? Like, this is my bike bitch and you will never come between us or before it! This is where I spend my money honey...............and all my time.......ok maybe a little bitter .....hahahahahaha, always a hoot to check the dating sites.....

Fat Bikers

I used to love riding on a Harley, the smell and the sound of that rumbling motor. What freedom it was, the wind in my hair, hanging on to some gorgeous bad boy. Back then, men that rode Harleys were hot. I always said they were reincarnated Pirates. Adventurous men that took your breath away like in the romance novels. Now you don't see very many Sportsters which is all well and good. I do see alot of Road Kings, and all I see are fat men on Harleys. Men with beer guts the size of Thanksgiving turkeys. What happened? Is it only lazy old men that can now afford these iron horses? Have the young bad boys found something else? Riding Guitar Hero's or Playstations instead now? Well then, I am glad I had my youth on the back of a bike instead. The adventures and memories are exhilarating and sound alot more interesting than hanging out in someone's basement drinking redbull and watching guys play air guitar. And the big belly bikers that are out there now? Probly picking up old divorcee's in mom jeans...........

LOL = Losers On Line

Why do I subject myself to this. Every once in a while I will join an online dating service. What I should really do is write a DO NOT DO THIS list for men who are trying to meet women online. So for you men who are wondering why it is not working for you? Here are some tips:

1. Your screen name should be upbeat and not obnoxious, I will never ever reply to men with handles like: ReallylonelyGuy, Hazeleyescrying, STUD696969, Mywifecheatedonmewithmybestfriend, you get the jist..........

2. Photos, MUST have photos, but not ones of you without your shirt on in the bathroom mirror. Maybe if you are on the beach... and LOSE THE SUNGLASSES, if the only pics you have are of you in your sunglasses, get new ones. And for heavens sake - do not use pictures that obviously have a woman cut out of it!

3. Winks are LAME, if you like a woman for God's sake email her!!! Don't wink and expect her to to all the work. GEZ.

4. DO NOT LIE: about your age, photo age, height, weight, hair, marital status, portion control, smoking, job, home etc. do not even stretch the truth, not only will being caught in a lie be a waste of everyone's time. Even if you stretch things, it is the action that dissappoints us most of all.

5. Make sure your Baby-Momma drama is contained.

6. Don't even think of dating if you just broke up/separated/divorced. You are not date material. You need to heal and get over the break up. You are useless to us and none of us want to be your transitional woman. I know you guys are desparate to fill a void as soon as possible, but it will not end well. No woman of substance will want you. If you do go ahead and try to date you WILL get exactly the kind of woman you deserve, one that is just as desparate as you, and those women tend to make you miserable after a while and you will be back on match.com in no time.

7. Do not, I repeat, Do not ever ever ever mention anything about your ex wife, ex girlfriend or all the "woman I dated"'s, us women like to think we are unique and may be polite and smile while you go on for 3 hours about your ex but believe me, in our minds we have already checked you off the list and can't wait to go home. We never ever ever want to hear about other women in your past. No matter how well the divorce, break up worked for YOU. If you ever want a new woman in your life, leave your past women, in the past. We don't care how well you get along with each other now, we don't care about your vacation stories, or fun snowmoble stories, we don't ever ever ever want to hear about any other women that were in your life. Yes I know that sounds harsh, but its a hormone thing.

8, If you really did see Big Foot in the woods, keep it to your self, no matter how exciting you think the story is........

I started writing this post thinking I could make it light and funny and all it is doing is pissing me off. I hate online dating. I think I am going to go back to the old fashioned way of going to bars and getting absolutely hammered doing shots and taking my chances with whose left over at closing time, it seemed to have worked well for me when I was younger, and if I recall, I had a friggin BLAST in those days............

Hey bartender, round of shots here, I'll have a BV..........

Ahhhhhhh youth!

It was "pictures of the past" last week, starting 2 Saturdays ago on Facebook when my old boyfriend Markie Mark started posting pics of me, our dog Kirsch, Elayne posted pics of us, my 69 Chevelle, Pam posted pics of me dressed as Madonna on Halloween and a great pic of Karen Becker as an accident victim! And then John forwards pics of me and Ray on the Miss Buffalo in the early 90's. Every picture had a running theme, YOUNG Cyndie. Young skinny Cyndie. Cyndie with great eyebrows. Oh how I yearned for my youth. At first sadness......but not any more. Now I know I need to enjoy every minute I have now. I am still young, not skinny but not fat! And well, my eyebrows aren't so bad..............now if I could just find that Ray..........yowza

if you are not already my friend on FB you need to go and check out all the great pics! Come on
you have no idea what you are missing.........