Dear old dad

I was remembering a few things and it got me so mad that I had to write these things down SOMEWHERE. I don't celebrate my father on fathers day. He abandoned me when I was young. Oh he was there once in a while, to be firm and pretend he was a dad. But he would pick us up on Sunday and drop us off at gramma's. who knows where he went.  But before my parents divorced, I witnessed him beat my mother, I saw her puffed out black eye. I saw the blood of a miscarriage. She had several. Many times my mother would hide us up in the attic when he came home drunk. I sat in-between my mother and father in his rambler car (red and white) and hung onto my mother while he tried to push her out of a moving car. My mother found out where his girlfriend lived and brought me and my brother there. Girlfriend was in a bikini in winter making steak. 

This was all before I was 6.

At 7 my parents divorced. My mom had a chance to start over in California but my dad said she could not take us out of state. A few years later he moved to Massachusetts. My father's family (my big and only family) ignored me and my brother growing up. They said my mother was crazy. Yeah, Id be crazy too if my husband brought me to a new country, then went out and never came home, cheated and beat me, several miscarriages so bad I had to have a hysterectomy. Yeah I guess Id be a screaming banshee as well. We barely saw dad after he moved. barely paid my mom. 

Oh so I got married when my daughter was 2 years old. My father would not acknowledge her until my wedding day.  Then a few years later we went to visit him and he brought my daughter to meet his GIRLFRIEND.  While I was with his WIFE and my stepmom Vi.  

These are just a few things about my father the contradicting narcissist. It took me a LONG time to figure out my life and get ok mentally, to live a normal life. So no I do NOT celebrate fathers day.  

Living like a cabin in the woods

I love how things in my life "evolve". I don't mind telling you things and being completely honest. It helps me. So you know how I want to live like I AM in a cabin in the woods. Secluded is my word for 2020. I love Seclusion. I don't know if its a cop out or what. But it works for me. So, my want of seclusion reminded me of a revelation I had many many years ago and it popped up in my life again. Let me explain: 

I rented a cabin in a State Park for Thanksgiving week. Back around 2008 when I guess I was just realizing I liked to be alone, get away from everyone. The girl at check in said, your cabin is right by the road, would you like something different? We looked at the map, there was a cabin right on the creek, she said NO ONE ELSE IS IN THAT LOOP. The magic words! No electricity, I picked #11. My number. We loved it, relished it! Me and my boys, we sat on the porch it was great. I went inside to fix dinner. By the time I went to take the boys potty one more time I opened the door and thought, someone threw a black tarp over our cabin! Its pitch black! I needed to potty too so we walked to the restrooms. Which by now was a somewhat scary walk. Not only that, it was the 3rd week a 92 year old man was missing in this park. When I got back to the cabin, we locked all the doors and windows and I covered every window with a throw blanket or towel. As I lay in that bed clutching the boys 2 leashes that night scared out of my mind, Thinking that old man is gonna look in my windows, I had a sudden revelation.  You may have 2 dogs with you right now but if you think about it. YOU ARE UTTERLY ALONE! It was big. My mind had lulled me into false sense that I was not really by myself. 

Why did I tell you that story? Because, social media has been doing the same thing to me now. My FB and Instagram and Twitter, especially FB, because I have found old friends from school, work places and new friends I never even met but talk to every day. These many "friends" have lulled me into this false sense that I am not alone in this house. I cried for 3 days over the death of a friend I have never met. I am not saying that is bad. It is wonderful to be in touch with so many people that have been in my life all at once. But I am going to tell you some painful things now too. Social Media has given me some false hope as well. I had given up on relationships ages ago, but..... I was FB friends with a man that I would love to think there was a possibility. I had hoped. For months I hoped. Boy was I let down. I had finally healed my heart from the past and here I was breaking my own heart again. Because FB had made me hope. That is not the worse. And this I struggled with but don't know how else to handle it. I am not in my grandchildren's lives. But thru social media I am allowed to watch almost daily videos of them! Yes. I was thrilled! I love them so. And then I would cry. It gave me hope. But I am excluded watching from afar. It is harder watching the people who are included. I was not in the picture. Have not been for a long time. Reality hit and hurt. I’m not mad or sad. I accept this with love and peace. But for me I must face facts and reality and stop hoping. I’m too old. I must live with what is. Watching videos of grandchildren I will never meet is the most painful thing to me.  I will never be perfect enough for my daughter to acknowledge me, even tho for many many years I have been working on myself, trying to figure out why I do etc etc. but I am perfect enough for me. and I must guard my heart. I must omit the things in my life I cannot change.  I am living a peaceful serene life now. I stopped jumping thru hoops for people many many years ago. 

So those are just a few reasons why I have opted to stay off social media. For now. I need to really FEEL my life and the reality of my life. I live alone with 2 dogs. I do not have 25 friends here in my living room or grandchildren running around. No one is here having morning coffee with me on the weekends. I do not want to feel the falseness of what Social Media gives me. Turning off all the notifications has helped immensely. Actually the first few days as long as there were no notifications, I honestly did not look. 

Its only social media. OH I am on the internet! I research all the time, I listen to podcasts and I read blogs. Many blogs. but I was so out of the loop I did not know Kobe Bryant was passed away until Monday morning. God bless him and the others that died. 

I do love my internet and research. And I am on LinkedIn learning doing a lot of Data Analyst tutorial paths to up my game work wize. Yes I am also a geek and love it. 

Another thing I am doing starting. I am eating more plant based. I have always leaned that way so we are trying it again. Especially since I am starting my Gardens this year! So, The false world and FOMO on social media?  That didn't feel right. But eating plant based and starting a garden. Those do feel right. And while reading and listening to podcasts I got another bug up my.....bonnet. 

I am going to really do some research on grains. Good grains and recipes. Like Millet, Wheatberry, Buckwheat and Amaranthe…. if I am going to go plant based I think I need to figure them out more. 

No I am not sad. I always accept the truth and facts with love and gratitude. I have to. Dwelling on what I cannot change is the old me. I am an old lady now. I have to live like I AM in a cabin in the woods and I need to FEEL what real solitude and seclusion feels like. So far it’s just been so peaceful. That is my goal. To be at peace with what is. My simple home. My pets. My bird watching from my windows. My books. My cooking. Evening fires at the fire place. Soon my gardens. I have my few real friends I talk to to on IM daily and or visit with. My cousins we have a group text that I’m happy about and makes me laugh.  I may have had a wild crazy life and extremely fulfilling technical career and because of that it allows me to now be at peace doing absolutely nothing but simple living the rest of my days. 

And start getting ready for my gardens! 

I chose peace.....

Day 3

$ Spent today: 0.00

1 Frugal thing I did today:  Made biscotti as a host gift  

1 Minimalist thing I did today: Cancelled a ton of catalogs I get in the mail

Well, I was going to make my turkey today, since I was not home yesterday. I like to have my own turkey dinner leftovers. But I been busy baking all morning making 2 kinds of biscotti! It is going to be my hostess gift for Ursula when I go visit today. I am so excited because they turned out very nice. I made chocolate and regular biscotti and will fill up the glass container I minimized out of the house on Day 1.

Remember my poor planning? Well, I had just enough butter to make the biscotti and to make my stuffing. I have decided to make my turkey tomorrow (Saturday) when I am home all day to do nothing. So I have just a touch of butter left until my next shopping day. I think I will be good. Oh, I just thought of mashed potatoes. Well, live and learn. I will remember this for when I make my Christmas dinner. I don’t know if I will do turkey again. Ham. I think I would like to do a ham. Then I can do split pea soup! Now that is frugal!

Every day I get tons of catalogs. Some and I would say ¼ of them I requested myself. And the catalog mailing lists in the sky got my name and address and said, oh she might like this catalog TOO, lets send it. Some where similar and some were out right insulting. BIG WOMEN catalogs. Come on! So I started looking each one up on the internet and on the website I found a spot to tell them to stop sending me the catalog. I had to call Pottery Barn and ask. OH that hurt. So now, every time I get some odd catalog, I find them on the internet and request they stop sending me their stuff. I don’t need it. It wastes paper. I don’t need to look and want to shop or feel inadequate because I don’t own a faux fur rug in front of the fireplace, or turquoise jewelry to wear while sitting on a rock in Sedona.

I don’t have much to say today. I had a most wonderful time with my brother’s family yesterday. He really did it right. He has a beautiful family with kids that really love each other. He has so many years of memories and traditions. It hurts my heart that I did not do the same. I don’t know what is wrong with me that I could not do that. I mean heavy hurt. But there is nothing I can do about that now. I was wrong. I did not do it right. I cannot be negative and I must keep going on and do the best I can with what I have left of my life now. God has certainly spoiled me in many ways. If I listen to some of my spiritual books and podcasts, they say I chose this life before I was even born. I am sorry but I don’t really think I would have chose this. But it is what I have and I must live my best life.

I am so proud of my biscotti’s!!!!!  

Day 2

$ Spent today: 0.00

1 Frugal thing I did today:  BYOB

1 Minimalist thing I did today: Downsized my make up jar

Happy Thanksgiving! The day of giving thanks. I am thankful that God Spoils me every day! So for my frugal thing today, remember my poor planning? Well that will be a theme for the next few days, as I have things planned for this long weekend. I just didn’t plan my shopping list very well. But It is a holiday weekend so I will let it slide. I am going to my niece’s home for dinner to be with my brother’s family. I was almost going to spend some money to buy Perrier’s for me to drink. BYOB, bring your own beverage. But instead, my SECOND most favorite thing besides coffee is herbal teas! I collect them! That’s just a fancy word for saying I buy too many boxes of herbal tea because they look different, cool and interesting. So I have my purse packed with a ton o tea bags for today and tomorrow when I visit! I only buy the organic good stuff. I found a list years ago of the healthiest good teas to buy. The bag is also important. So I buy Yogi, Stash, Traditional Medicinals and Numi.  I have a couple that are not on the list like Constant Comment and Sleepy Time and Bigelow Spearmint because I just love them. So I think that was a pretty good Frugal.

So I woke up this morning and during my coffee time, I immediately re-tweaked my budget 2 week menu and Budget shopping list. I felt last night that I needed to be more healthy. So I substituted a big salad and greens instead of pasta’s and breads. A few other items as well, but I think the tweaking will not be a big change in dollars. Maybe up a tad but hey I need to be healthy. And that is where the herbal tea also ties in. I am allowed to buy 1 new box a shopping trip. As compared to my 2 or three. Because herbal tea is going to be my GO TO when I want to munch on unhealthy snacks. No more caramel corn or Fritos. Swiss Rolls are my downfall, my coworker Mike and I would buy them by the box on Amazon. I have forgone my Milk duds and Swedish fish fetish a year ago. Yes I used to eat all that crap. Baby steps.

My minimalist thing I did today. I was getting ready to head out and putting on my make up. I did downsize my make up a ton ages ago. Threw out so much stuff I bought on a whim at TJ MAXX. Since I work from home I don’t wear a lot of make up any more. Now that I am 60, even less, when I leave the house its just a few things. So I have 3 places where I store make up right now. The stuff I downsized but not ready to part with are in a big make up bag in the cupboard. New eyeshadows and mascaras that I can use once the ones I have run out. Then I have a bag of makeup I used to use every day lets say when I went into the office, a lot of Bare Minerals stuff, eye shadows etc. That is in the medicine cabinet. And then out on my bathroom counter I have the basic stuff I would wear every day just to look normal. A base that I barely put on. Just sponge a hair of it on to make my skin even, mascara, eye shadow, eyebrow stuff, lipstick that I use as blush too. Well, I just noticed I told you ALL that just to tell you  what I did downsize – was a little glass I have where I put my eyebrow pencils, brushes, lip liners. Well THAT is what I downsized to 1 eye brow pencil, 1 lip liner. I had too many make up brushes in there that I never used. And now as I write this it looks like I have more makeup to minimize. But hey that’s all part of the game!

Happy Thanksgiving and don't you DARE go Black Friday shopping today. You don't need it!!!

Day 1

$ Spent today: 0.00

1 Frugal thing I did today:   Using powdered creamer

1 Minimalist thing I did today: Cleaned out a glass cannister for a hostess gift

So here I am on day 1 and I found out I am a terrible planner. Or forgetful. It’s the first day of my fabulous 5 day weekend! What is my most favorite thing to do? Drink coffee in the mornings at my  kitchen nook and watch the sunrise. Coffee makes me get out of bed. Well, as I went to get my creamer out of the fridge, I realized; I forgot to buy my usual  2 organic half and half creamers! Although, creamer is on my budget list. I am going to stick to my guns and try not to spend a cent. I have powdered creamer just for these types of emergencies and for camping. So its powdered creamer until next budget shop.

This morning my cousin Ursula invited me over to her house on Friday. Old anti-social Cyndie would not have gone. But I am ecstatic to go and spend time with ----- MY FAMILY! Its what I want, Its what I asked God for. So its not on my terms and they did not show up on my doorstep how I always wish.  I cant always having things on MY terms. I love my family and I am going.

So of course I do not want to go empty handed. I thought of a lovely idea. So to minimize my home I have really cleaned and washed out a beautiful glass cannister to use as a hostess gift. I no longer need it and its just taking up space. What I do with it will be part of my Day 3. More to come.

The next 2 days are crucial. 1. I will be leaving the house and that always gives me the urge to drink for some reason. 2. I will be with family and what is our main hobby? Drinking. My niece already spoke of mimosas at 11. I did let Ursula know I don’t drink. I know both my brother’s and Ursula’s family will certainly not pressure me once I state I do not drink. It is me. I am not worried I will. Not at all. I  will just have to “be” with my family and “sit” will all the feelings. With no alcohol buzz to numb the “whatever”. That will be interesting. I just never been around my family sober before. Especially Ursula, she is like my sister. My drinking sister. We are like 2 peas in a pod. I have some of the best cherished memories with her, unfortunately we were extremely inebriated for them all. And I am not saying being with my family is an issue. Or unhealthy. It is me. I have an issue being close to anyone. If I get too close I put up walls or sabotage it any way I can.  I don’t think God is testing me. I think he is just showing me, I can do this. And he is throwing the hard stuff at me right away so  that the rest is cake. When I am uncomfortable my flight or flight kicks in, no that’s not a typo. To be good to myself I will have to sit with the uncomfortable feelings if there are any as a Sober Cyndie. At 60 I am going to have to grow up. 

Or I can be making a big deal out of nothing and I will probly have the most wonderful time with my family. I am thankful to God for these opportunities.

Another 30 Days!

I am starting another 30 day challenge since I do well on them, and I kind of like them and it keeps me on track. 

So this challenge is 30 Days of No Spending, Frugal minimalism!  It will start tomorrow, the beginning of my 5 day weekend, and will end on the end of my December 5 day weekend. Oh, how I love my long weekends. I like to tack on PTO days to work holidays to extend the fabness.  

I have already been on a budget and started being frugal and minimalistic for a while now. But my spending creeped in again. Darn Amazon Prime and Wally. 

So the rules are NO SPENDING except for what is on my budget grocery list. Over a month ago I pared down to a budgeted grocery list. Only things I need for 2 weeks. The menu is planned out. Things I love. Like Taco Tuesday! I found I was throwing out much too much food. Because I didn’t have a plan. Bought things at random and it sat there. Like I would grab avacados, but no plan on what I was going to do with them. Sooooo, well you know. Now I have an exact menu. I do allow myself the Tops fish fry on Fridays. I pared down to a budget so I can save money and put anything extra toward my debt. My debt is not crazy high, but my goal is to retire as early as possible. My largest payment is my truck. Yes, it's higher than my mortgage. 

So nothing except what is on my grocery list. Yes I love sweets. I have enough flour and sugar and stuff around here to MAKE my own sweets, which I have. Sugar cookies and chocolate biscotti. So even tho they are not the healthiest. I do know where the ingredients are from. 

No extra buying like stuff from Wally and Amazon Prime. No books. I have enough books bought in the past 2 years physical and Kindle that can last me EONS.  I will do in depth blogs during this 30 day period on my books etc. I am allowed to replace anything that breaks or runs out.( i.e. Coffee maker.. face cream) Definitely NO CLOTHES or shoes. I have quite enough. 

I am also blogging this to keep me honest. When I get bored, that’s when I get in trouble. I may not leave the house that doesn’t hinder me one bit. So I am starting tomorrow so I can do one last shop, I need salad fixings for Thanksgiving at my nieces house. I need to wash the truck. And I have one big box coming from Amazon today, stuff that will make my life easier. Yes an Echo show and lights I can talk to. That was my last big purchase. 

I was doing so well on my Dave Ramsey Snow ball budget. I paid off 8 credits. (5 cards and 1 vacation loan and 2 appliances). I have 4 left to go, around 1000$ each except for that Pottery Barn one. Oh but it was well worth it. I know I know. And then I snowball all the payment amounts toward my Truck. And when that is done I will snowball all into my mortgage. The sooner I do the truck the sooner I could retire. But I am trying to eek it out as long as I can to get the most SSI$. 

I am excited about my next 30 days! That’s why I do these challenges. We shall see, maybe I will turn it into a 365 days no spending. My heart would LOVE to do a 30 day yoga challenge. Maybe that will be next.

Cut the cord

I am a cord cutter. I cut the cord a few months ago. Well, actually I cut the cord once before a couple years ago when Direct TV Now came out with a new streaming service at 35$ a month. I was one of the few beta testers. Not sure they are that low now and they changed their name to ATT TV Now. I got a great deal to come back to Spectrum so I took it and like the frog in slowly boiling water....my Spectrum Bill was  way up again!!!!  So I started to do research.  Let me tell you it was a full 10 minutes and I came upon Philo and they said they had THREE, count em, THREE Hallmark Channels. I literally took a few seconds to sign up, Called Spectrum. The guy at Spectrum was a hoot. I showed him how to show his mother how to watch soap operas on YouTube and to set up a hysterically funny voicemail to ward off robo calls. 

So I still had the OTA (Over the Air) antennae from before. I hooked that up to my tv. I have since ordered a few more for my other 2 TVS. I have 4 in all in my home. I did have 2 DVRS and in this day of on demand. They were not really needed any more. Returned those to Spectrum. 

Here is the reason why it was actually so easy for me to cut the cord. For several years now I have been collecting old TV series DVDs that I love to watch over and over. Party of 5, Everwood, Gilmore Girls, Lost, Charmed, Ghost Whisperer are just a few.  I have since also gotten some super OLD shows like Wiseguy, Vegas and McMillan and Wife. I have Many many more so if I ever did not have internet. I would be fine. Oh, yes, I have stock piled a few DVD players as well in case they go by way of extinction the way VCRs did years ago. 

Also, over a year a go I found Full Episodes of my favorite Soap operas. I used to watch Soaps allllllllllllllllllllll the time. All my life! But lately the few left have gotten too ridiculous. So I do not bother.  When I found old All My Children full episodes on YouTube for FREE I was hooked. Its been just over a year I started with All My Children 1980, I am currently on All My Children 2006! I believe it ended in 2011. I will then move on to General Hospital but this time I will start in the 70s if I can. Most years have between 150-200 episodes. There were a few lean years where there were only 20. But at this rate I have several years of entertainment! I will then move on to Y&R and many more.  Once I found those shows, I also found full episodes of shows I used to love back in the 70s and 80's like Sonny and Cher show, Carol Burnette show etc etc. I have those on my list as well. As long as there is free youtube, I will be just fine. 

Also, my favorite channel (besides Hallmark) is CreateTV. I found it when I lived in Florida and was beside myself when PBS here in Buffalo finally picked it up. I could watch that channel 24/7 as well. That is free with the antennae (on a clear day unfortunately). But with Philo I also have 3 other cooking channels too. Tastemade is a new fav.  That came with Philo and I just love now. I just made the chocolate biscotti recipe last week from that channel. 

So you know me, I am a research freak, I have been on many Cordcutters groups on FB in order to glean information and the latest news. Sometimes the questions on there literally just piss me off. Everyone basically wants EXACTLY WHAT THEY HAVE ON CABLE.  Let me tell you. Since I do no rely on my cable channels I have changed my mindset on the whole TV watching experience. I did mention I had TWO DVRS. Like what did I think I was going to miss? I actually feel FREE and not limited any more. I have found so many new and free apps. New shows and networks or channels. I was a little sad when my CreateTV would not come in during bad weather. I mean really sad. But I looked for different cooking channels and found Tastemade and many others. I have broadened my horizons for sure!!! 

Oh, I do donate 6$ a month to PBS so I can have unlimited access to PBS shows on the Passport app as well. I literally do not have time to watch everything I want to any more.    I went from 213$ to just internet they told me 70$ a month incl modem and taxes etc. but my bill was for 74$. Philo is 20$, you had me at 3 Hallmark channels and NO SPORTS. and 6$ a month for PBS Passport.  100$ not bad. Not bad at all. I am a Roku person and have had many Rokus over the years. I now have 2 and 1 Roku TV. Between all the apps and on demand TV is a whole different experience. I like my books non fiction and I like my TV that way too. More documentary, cooking, how to. 

Since I have cut the cord I also don't feel like I am missing anything If I miss a show. I can take or leave tv. I used to have it on all the time. But sometimes on the weekends I just like the sound of silence while I read books. I have to have internet because I work from home. I may try an experiment when I retire. To do with out it. I mean I have my iPhone and a hot spot. I won't stream and who knows what 5G we will have in 3 years so......We shall see........... 

Magic Windows

Oh the magic-ness of a window! All my working (in an office) life I treasured a desk near a window! Now that I have been working from home I am always at a window. Such magical big sky and clouds and daily birds and nature windows! As long as I can see the sky. It doesn’t matter if it’s sunny or rainy. I cherish a rainy day. 

Today I anticipate a big snow storm. To sit and watch the snow fall and accumulate before my eyes while I work are the simple pleasures that I live for. All I need. After work, I can sit and read at my windows and watch the cars going by. Always going “somewhere”. Always a place to be. I always wonder where they are going. What is “home” like for them? Does their heart race because a familiar car is in the driveway? Or does their heart sink? I have felt both those emotions. Now, I am at an even keel. I am lucky to have window sit spots in many areas of my home. My most favorite of all, coffee at the kitchen window on the weekend mornings. I sometimes get up before the sunrise so I can watch it rise up behind the trees. 

I used to spend so much money on vacations and cabin rentals and I would waste it all by coming home early because of anxiety and panic attacks. I have learned my lesson! When the travel bug urge happens, and oh it does! I have numerous reminders every where and on auto email to tell me NO. I have learned that everything I need is right here. In my home, in my yard. On my porch. In my sunroom. I do not have to drive hours to achieve solitude and serenity. 

I am very lucky to have this wonderful old and cozy home with all its nooks and crannies of safe and comfort. My newish minimalist attitude and lifestyle brings me peace and security and molds right into what is best for me to live a good and satisfied life. My only decision is which sit spot window do I choose?

                                                            

                                                             

           

Weekend of pure nothing

….it started many many years ago. My daughter would go spend holidays with her dad and his family. She was so little and should be with her family on these wonderful occasions.  I got used to being alone by myself. If you can survive holidays by yourself you can survive anything. People would invite me to join them. I went a few times but its not the same borrowing someone else's family. 

Over the years I would look forward to long weekends in the same PJ's for days. I would make a turkey and relish the alone time. 

Over the years I slowly started to become a bit of a hermit. I think it started after my second divorce, I lived on the 3rd floor of an apartment building and had to buzz visitors in. I would never buzz them in. I pretended I wasn't home. I remember friends calling to say they were stopping over and I would get irked, they were infringing on my alone time. 

I would move out to the sticks. I lived way out in the boonies. I relished my country homes and the long drives to work and no visitors. Then I got my dream job working from home. I have worked from home ever since. And slowly I withdrew more and more from the world. 

Oh I would venture out, but on my terms. On my whims.

Now its been a way of life. Only letting a few friends in my inner circle. 

I Yabba dabba doooooo on Fridays and am so delighted with the prospect of a whole weekend ahead of me. I now purposely do not make plans. I have a sticky note in big letters that says No Plans = No Cancel.  

Now its the Internet stopping over uninvited. For years I was hooked on Facebook. I still get sucked in sometimes. I do use social media to research and keep up with things I am interested in. I listen to Podcasts all day while I work. I would sometimes rent cabins in Allegany just because there was no Internet or cell service. Now on the weekends I turn off all the tech. I read in silence. Or journal in silence looking outside at my nature. During the summer I created the no tech on the porch or sunroom rules. 

This weekend is a weekend of pure nothing. I wander from my kitchen table and window onto the back yard to my sit spot in the love seat in front of the fire place with candles lit inside. I look out onto my neighborhood or read one of my many books. In the summer its the front porch or the sun room. I literally could sit and just watch the clouds drift by. 

Oh I am not ashamed to admit I am a binge TV watcher as well. I have my collection of TV series DVDs and my latest obsession I have found full episodes of all my Soap Operas on YouTube. I am currently on All My Children 2004. I started at 1980. I love to cook and I cook up a storm. Then to Instagram my food. I am obsessed  with cooking shows too. Tons of them. Oh how I love my little world here. I have my 2 dogs to keep me company. They make me laugh. They enable me to shut out the world but not feel alone. The only time I feel alone is when I'm on my 10th beer. I am so glad I never have to feel alone like that again. 

I have visions of getting in my truck and traveling for 3 weeks to Vancouver and California when I retire in  a few years. But once I get that travel urge out of my system, I will relish my alone time in my most fabulous home. 

That is all in the future. For now I have a lot of nothing to do...……..

Minimizing and Budgeting

I've been on a roll! Doing so well. Life is good, thank you God.

My house looks better and better getting rid of stuff. When I think I can't minimize any more, I do and it looks awesome! My grocery budget is going into gear for the second time this Friday. I had wheedled it down to 3 stores for specific things. ALDI being the number 1. I must try to get everything I can there first. I'm sure I can weedle more. 
I have a confession..... I have not touched my closet. And it's not really a closet. It's a small room next to my room. The closet in my room is BARE NEKKID. Yes! it's empty! Cuz last spring I emptied it because of that oh you know, if you want a man in your life you need to make room for him. So i did that and ordered a second night stand. For years I had decided I no longer ever want a romantic relationship. I certainly did not want sex! I've been alone a very long time and I like it. Last spring I must have lost my mind for a little while. I'm back to my old lady thinking of no man- thank you! Oh, so my closet, I will tackle this weekend. Down to just what I love to wear. Season appropriate. 
I am keeping a good and bad list. Some examples of the list Good = 20$ gas for 2 weeks! Found the dog food cheaper per can, Netti pot instead of Claritin D. Bad= Drive thru lunch twice. tasted terrible.  But I'm learning from my mistakes. I still have a bunch of individual frozen home made soups. I hard boiled eggs for egg salad and I've added bacon for BLTs. I can use the iceberg lettuce for the egg salad, BLT and tuna sandwiches for lunch. Don't those sound better than crappy drive thru? 
I inundate myself listening to budget and minimizing podcasts, and books (free using Libby app and Kindle) I found a cooking show Struggle meals on my cord cutting Philo app! I am embracing this lifestyle and it's not painful! It feels so good. I feel good. I only do, eat, wear read etc what I love! I do have to say I am not as picky as most people so a lot of this is easy to do. 

So I saved the best for last. I always need my sweet in the evening. I have been doing my jello with cool whip. but.......my fav thing in the world is cut out cookies. Look what I just made for FREE. With stuff I already have. Which will taste better than anything store bought. Life is goooooooood...........